A Midsummer Night's Dream
by PrincessRose1
Summary: Loosely based on a work by Shakespeare: Cologne wishes there was some way to get Ranma and Shampoo together, but a conveniently timed purchase might cause more trouble than he's worth.
1. Puck and Cologne's Plans

**Authors Notes!**

PrincessRose: Heh heh, this was fun to write.

AngelicDemnX: T.T Poor Ryoga…

PrincessRose: SHH! Don't give it away!

AngelicDemnX: Anyway, here's the disclaimer…and I'm only going to say this once, so when you go to read chapter two there will not be one. I don't like having to repeat myself.

Disclaimer: We don't own Ranma ½ or any of Shakespeare's ideas. We should also note that we don't own Pepto-Bismol…despite what everyone seems to believe.

Shakespeare: Ha ha! What a masterpiece!

PrincessRose: Aw, thank you!

Shakespear: What? I was talking about _my_ play.

AngelicDemnX: (vein pop) Well, we hope you enjoy the story!

**PUCK AND COLOGNE'S PLANS**

"_Oh John Bob! We can never be together again…after what happened between my uncle and your great-grandmother!"_

"_Oh Katrina! Our love is so pure, how could we stand to be apart?"_

"_I know, but we'll have to live day after day…year after year…until it's all over my love. And then we can fly the cosmos together!"_

"_Oh Katrina, I have something to confess…"_

"_Yes my love?"_

"_I…I'm not really John Bob…I'm his evil twin cousin, Marcus!"_

"_Oh…oh Marcus! But it was you I fell in love with!"_

"_Oh Katrina!"_

"SHAMPOO! Turn off that nonsense and deliver this food, the customers are waiting." Cologne chided.

"But is just getting to best part!" Shampoo was huddled in front of the TV in a room in the back of the café.

"This is your job Shampoo. You must live up to your responsibilities."

Shampoo pouted and gave a light "humph". She took the orders nonetheless and walked out of the café to deliver them.

Cologne sighed, "Everyone is getting so lazy these days. If Shampoo had the responsibilities of a wife, she might not be so lazy."

It was then that she heard someone enter the café, knocking on the door pain and shouting, "Hello?"

"Ah, a customer." Cologne left the room to meet the newcomer. "Welcome to the Cat Café!"

"Ah, Nihao Miss Cologne. That is how you say it, right?"

"Oh, it's you. I suppose you have something else to sell us?"

"Now now, Miss Cologne. I represent a company. And a company is like a family. We have traditions and values."

"Get on with your sales pitch."

"Right, I have something that might interest you, Miss." The salesman reached in one of his boxes and pulled out an even smaller box. The words _instant fairy_ was stamped in kanji on the box.

"That looks interesting."

"Ah, but it's too dangerous for you. I have very many other nice things for you to look at!" He pulled out other items; a rusty sword lay on top of the pile he had accumulated. "This is very old and sacred sword. It is said to be able to slay a hundred demons in one swing!"

"We don't have a demon problem here…and that swords old and rusty…now lets see the box."

"No no, too dangerous." He placed the tiny box in his jacket pocket. "But I do have," he looked through the pile. "This sponge! It's said to clean up a big mess…and you'll never have to wring it out!"

"Are you implying that I can't handle one of your products? Just tell me more about that box!" Cologne was beginning to get frustrated.

"No no…this eh…clock…"

"If you're not going to show me the box then I can take my business elsewhere." Cologne began to turn around.

"Heh heh, don't be silly! Of course you can see the box! The dangerous item must have been something else, this is perfectly safe!" the salesman took out the box and handed it to her in fear of losing yet another client.

"Ah, so what is this that's so dangerous?"

"You have to pay first." His comment was followed by a punch on the back of his head. "Ah yes. The legend is that the thing contained inside this box has the power to control one's heart."

"What do you mean?" Cologne looked over the box.

"Well, that's what it says on the pamphlet. Anyway, it's some kind of love potion. Do you want to buy it or not?"

"Hmm, this may be helpful to me…but I've tried your love potions before."

"Then give it back!"

"Fine, I'll take it. How much?"

"5,000 yen."

"That seems a little pricey."

"Hey, it's a very mysterious box. But because you're our best costumer, you get a ten percent discount!"

"Alright then." She paid the salesman and he quickly gathered his merchandise together.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you…" he began to laugh manically as he left the café.

Mousse walked over to Cologne, "Does that guy always have to laugh like that when he sells us something?"

"Quiet boy." She was already opening the box. Inside was a small pill that looked suspiciously like a Pepto-Bismol. There was also a set of directions in both English and Spanish. "They're lucky I'm able to read English."

Mousse glanced over her shoulder, "So what is it anyway?"

"It's none of your business. Now finish mopping the kitchen!" Cologne gave him a stern look.

"Fine." Mousse muttered, "Slave driver." He walked back to the kitchen.

Cologne set the box and its contents on a table. The directions read simply: _Add water._ Although it had a strangely long list of warnings. She didn't bother to read over them all, but she did notice it could cause a rash if swallowed. She ran to get a glass of water and dropped the pink pill inside.

For a few moments it just bubbled. The water began to glow a soft pinkish color, "Hmm, so what do you do with it?"

At that moment it seemed to just spontaneously combust. With a loud "KA BOOM!" smoke filled the room. A bright, yet small, figure showed through the smoke.

"What's going on?" Mousse coughed as he ran into the room. He was about to put on his glasses when a blunt object hit him right in between his eyes, knocking him out cold. The object bounced around the room a few more times, other items being broken in the process. It finally came to a stop in front of Cologne, who had to breathe through her long shirtsleeve because of the smoke.

"Greetings, Master." The figure spoke slowly and deeply. Cologne's eyes widened for a short moment.

"It's a genie!" A deep laugh came from the figure. The smoke began to clear away.

It was a small person, barely taller than a foot. He had wavy black hair that only reached round his chin, and his eyes were a deep prune color. His white robes were adorned with vines. He shifted his clothes around a little, and then smiled playfully. "Don't be ridiculous! I'm a fairy! Did you read what was on the box?"

"Yes, I suppose that would make sense." Cologne was finally able to remove her sleeve after the smoke had dissipated.

For a few moments they both stared at each other. Cologne's eyes narrowed, "So…what do you do?"

The fairy cracked his knuckles and a flower appeared in front of him. It was almost as large as he was and it resembled a white lily. "Don't you even want to know my name?" Before Cologne could respond, he answered. "It's Puck, if you must know. I can make all your dreams of romance come true!"

Puck examined Cologne suspiciously, "Of course you seem like you would definitely need my help."

Cologne hit him with her staff; "Maybe I'll just dehydrate you into a pill again!"

"Eep," Puck squealed. "No! Don't do that, Master! I'm sure we could get you a suitable boyfriend, Master!"

"I'm not looking for one, fool!" She glared down menacingly at him.

"Oh? Then why did you awaken me?"

"Look. You can control people's affections, right?"

"Oh yes, this flower here is the source of my power." He grinned as he waved it around. "Whoever smells the pollen will fall in love with the next person he or she sees." His eyes showed nothing but pride and mischief.

"Good, this is exactly what I need." Cologne's face brightened. "Now I have a set of instructions for you."

"Yes Master. And if I do as you command you won't turn me back into a pill, right?"

"Yeah sure. Now, listen closely…I need you to find a boy named Ranma Saotome. He's the best martial artist in Nermia, so you might have to be careful. I need him to fall in love with my great-granddaughter, Shampoo." She pulled out a picture of Shampoo to show the fairy what she looked like.

"Got it. Any thing else?"

"N…" Cologne thought a moment. _Of course Mousse will get in the way if he's not taken care of. Also that Akane Tendo will cause problems_. A thought struck her. "But not if they're together."

"What's that?"

"First, I want you to make Mousse here," she indicated the unconscious form on the floor. "Fall in love with the short haired girl at the Tendo dojo. Then you can get Ranma, who is living there as well."

"Got it! I'll be off then."

"Now remember, Mousse with the short haired girl Shampoo with the pig-tailed boy."

"He has a pig tail?"

"Yes. Now be off with you."

"Yes Master!" Puck sped off out the door. A few moments later he came back, looking rather sheepish. "Heh heh, I forgot the boy here." He grabbed Mousse and, with unusual strength, he lifted him up and flew out again.

Cologne looked after him, now a little worried. "I hope he doesn't mess this up."

Puck searched around the area for a while, "Now I wonder what a dojo is." He finally came upon a house with a sign that read "Tendo Dojo". "What luck!" He took out his flower.

He stopped when he heard yelling and crashes inside. "You think you can take me, Old Man!" It was a female voice.

Puck looked over the wall and saw that a girl was not fighting an old man, but a Panda. "How odd." The girl had a pigtail, he specifically remembered the Master saying _something_ about a pigtail.

"What were the directions again…. that's right! Make Mousse fall in love with the pigtailed girl! And Shampoo with a shorthaired boy! My Master should learn to be more specific with directions." He quickly blew pollen on Mousse and tossed him inside. "That should do it!" He began to fly off, very proud of himself.

"Okay, now to find Ranma. He's supposed to be around here, right?" He heard a rumble come from below the surface. "Oh no! An earthquake!"

"Where am I?" Ryoga shouted as he, literally, popped out of the ground. "I need to get my present to Akane!"

"A shorthaired boy! That must be him!" Puck shouted with glee and dived down to the boy. Ryoga had already climbed out of the hole and had begun walking away from the dojo. Puck, surprised by his quick movement, hit straight into the ground.

"Hm? Is someone there?" Ryoga turned around. He noticed a small person lying on the ground, looking rather trampled.

"Oh brave youth! Please help me!" Puck raised a hand towards him.

"What exactly are you?" Ryoga bent down to examine the fairy a little closer.

"Gotcha!" Puck pulled out the flower and blew it on him. Ryoga was taken by surprise and fell over.

"Gah! What have you done to me?" He glared at Puck.

"Now just behave yourself and…" he took out a hammer and hit Ryoga on the head as hard as he could manage. "Go to sleep. You will be with your true love soon." Ryoga fell unconscious with a big red circle on his forehead.

Puck picked up Ryoga, now even happier than before. "That didn't take long at all! And the best part is that nothing went wrong!" He flew off quickly to the Cat Café.

Meanwhile, Shampoo herself was also heading back to the café. "Mmh?" She looked up and noticed a person flying through the air and recognized him as Ranma's friend. "What his name again? Pig boy? One who gets lost a lot?" Shampoo hit her head softly, trying to remember.

"Oh well. He not important. I better get back." And with that she continued on her way. She didn't get very far, since Puck had noticed her and was remarkably able to remember the picture.

"Shampoo?" Puck dropped Ryoga and flew down to her.

"Yes? What you want?"

"Oh Shampoo! I am your Great Grandmother's servant. I have come to tell you that your true love is now…well, in love with you!"

Shampoo's eyes sparkled with happiness, "Ranma love me now?"

"Yes! And here he is!" Puck turned Ryoga over and pointed to him. "Sorry, I had to get him to cooperate."

Shampoo looked crestfallen, and then angry. "That not Ranma."

Puck looked at her quizzically, "What? But this is the boy your Great Grandmother said for you to fall in love with."

"I said that not Ranma, fool!" She took Puck by her forefinger and thumb. "Ranma much better looking and not stupid like pig boy!"

"Well, I must have made a mistake. It can be fixed." He shook when he heard a loud grunt from Ryoga.

Ryoga looked at Puck, and then glanced at Shampoo. His eyes widened and he began to blush. "S…Shampoo?"

"What you want?" She glared at him.

Ryoga jumped up and took both of Shampoo's hands, "Oh my love we must spend eternity together!"

"Eh?" Was all Shampoo could manage.

Ryoga leaned in closer, "I know we have our differences…but from now on we'll be together! For the devil himself could not keep me away from you!"

"Get away Pig Boy!" She slapped his hands away. "I love Ranma!" This did not even seem to register in Ryoga's mind as he dashed towards her.

"My love!" Shampoo screamed and dodged his assault. "Ho ho! Don't tease me!"

"Don't touch me!" She jumped out of the way and kicked him square in the jaw. He still seemed unfazed by the attack.

"I'll catch you!" Shampoo ran off as fast as she could, Ryoga followed quickly.

Puck floated along, having been trampled by Ryoga and his first attack. "Those moves… they could only be those of a martial artist. Cologne did say that Ranma was the best martial artist in this…Nermia place."

He gasped loudly, "Oh my…. what if Cologne wants a marriage that Shampoo is against?" He bent over at the tragedy of the situation. "But…if it is Cologne's wish…then IT MUST BE DONE!"

Shampoo continued to run and dodge Ryoga's playful attacks, "Help me you fool!" She screamed at Puck

Puck flew up with his flower ready, "Oh Shampoo…forgive me!" He was about to blow pollen on Shampoo when she slapped him away.

"Get away from me!" She ran past the café, desperately trying to escape Ryoga. He stepped on Puck before running off after Shampoo.

"My love! Return to me!"

* * *

Fe Fi Fo Fum…I smell the blood of…a reviewer! 


	2. Boyfriends Suck!

**Authors Notes!**

Wait a second…no…no we're good to go.

**BOYFRIENDS SUCK!**

"Is Mousse alright?" Akane asked.

"Guess so. Don't know what happened to him though." Female Ranma poked Mousse's ribs. "Maybe Shampoo finally kicked him out."

Soun stepped out onto the deck, "Well he's not staying here." Genma, still a panda, held a sign that read 'Yeah, we already have enough mouths to feed!'

"Yeah, and yours counts for three mouths!" Ranma pointed out to his father as Mousse began to stir. "Hey, hurry and wake up so you can get out of here!" she prodded him.

"Ranma, don't be so hard on him. He's just gotten dumped after all!" Akane scolded.

Mousse lifted himself up. "I haven't been dumped! And where am I?" He squinted, looking at Ranma. "Cologne? Is that you?"

Ranma put the missing glasses on Mousse's face. "Geez, ever heard of contacts?"

Mousse didn't seem to hear her, and his eyes widened. "Ran…ma?"

"What? You really thought I was the Old Ghoul?" She frowned. "It's really not that big a deal, you know."

"But it IS a big deal!" Mousse insisted, leaning in dangerously close to Ranma. "How could you even say that when I…when I love you so much!" He embraced her in a tight hug.

For a few seconds the room was filled with a stunned silence. When Ranma finally realized what was going on she punched Mousse across the yard. "What are you goin' on about? Are you in denial over Shampoo?"

"Shampoo who?" Mousse wondered out loud as he picked himself off the ground. "I don't need to wash my hair now."

"Not that kind of shampoo!" Akane shouted at him, more than a little flustered. "You know…she's the girl you've been in love with since you were kids."

Mousse thought a moment as he walked over to Ranma, "Hmmm…doesn't ring a bell. The only girl I can ever love…" he spread his arms wide, "is this Red Haired Beauty!" Mousse attempted to kiss Ranma, but got punched…this time by Akane.

"Thanks…" Ranma narrowed her eyes at Mousse.

Akane then turned on Ranma, "What did you do?"

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"C'mon! You must have done something! This kind of stuff is always your fault!"

"I'm telling you, I had nothing to do with it!"

"Then what happened?" Akane wondered. Mousse crawled over to Ranma and wrapped his arms around her waste.

"Obviously he's either insane or he was enraptured by my great beauty." Ranma smirked and flicked back her pigtail.

"This isn't something you should be proud of!"

"What? You think I ASK for all these admirers? Dealing with you is hard enough!" Ranma complained as she tried to remove Mousse.

"Well…" Akane smiled in a way that Ranma knew was too happy to be true. She picked Ranma up by her shirt collar and kicked both her and Mousse off through the roof into the air.

"I HOPE YOU'RE BOTH HAPPY TOGETHER!" She shouted after them.

"What's her problem?" Ranma asked as he soared through the air.

"Don't worry; I won't let any harm befall you!" Mousse grabbed Ranma up; back in one arm and her legs in his other arm.

"Hands off!" Ranma kicked him away.

Meanwhile, Tatewaki Kuno was making his way to the Tendo Dojo, a bouquet of assorted flowers in hand. "It is decided. For no matter how much I love both the Pigtailed Girl and Akane Tendo…I must set them free! " He declared. "It is also time to end my silly rivalry with Saotome. Perhaps, we could even be friends."

After taking a few more steps, Kuno felt something hard hit his head. "What is this that has fouled my head?" Mousse fell from his perch on Kuno's head onto the ground. "Disgusting. Is it even human?"

Just then he heard a crash and turned around to see the Pigtailed Girl in a pile of trashcans at the curb. "Oh Pigtailed Girl! What horrible fate has befallen you?" Kuno ran towards the girl.

"What?" Ranma said and she pulled herself from the trash. "Oh great! Not you!" Kuno gasped. "What, you know? Oh forgive me pigtailed girl!"

"Eh?"

"Do not think it is your fault, for we are like grape vines that have grown intertwined, but now they have become so tight that we are being suffocated…it is too much to bear. We can not go on this way!"

"Do you even hear yourself when you talk?" Ranma stood up and pulled an old wrapper out of her hair. "Look, can we do this some other time; I'm a little busy right now."

"I know it's hard, but just know that I will always love you!" Kuno looked into Ranma's eyes. "Perhaps, just one last kiss."

But someone beat him too it.

Ranma had his guard up ready to block against Kuno and had not expected Mousse's sudden intervention. It was a second before she realized what was happening and punched Mousse hard into the wall of the street. "YOU! YOU PERVERT!" She screeched ready to knock Mousse senseless.

"How dare you touch the innocent lips of the Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno yelled, drawing his wooden sword. Mousse stood up with a large purple bruise on his face, "What's wrong with kissing my girlfriend?" he asked glaring. "Gir…girlfriend?" Kuno stammered.

"You are not my boyfriend!" Ranma screamed. Kuno stared at Ranma. "Pigtailed Girl…you still care. How could I have ever though of…we must be together!"

"You're not my boyfriend either!" Ranma yelled, eye twitching.

"Don't worry my Red Haired Beauty!" Mousse proclaimed. "I'll protect you from him!" and he stepped in front of Ranma. "Stay away from my Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno swung his sword at Mousse who dodged. "You will not come between us!" Kuno proclaimed.

"I'll come between whatever I please!" Mousse threw out his arms and an assortment of knifes flew at Kuno, who was able to dodge because of Mousse's bad aim (Could have been rid of Kuno if he'd worn his glasses…damn him).

"Don't worry, sweetie!" Mousse cried out happily as he drew back to punch his new rival. "I'll protect you from this vulgar creature!"

"I will not allow you to come between the Pigtail girl and myself!" Kuno jumped forward and swung his sword around madly. "I challenge you! To a contest! A contest of strength, of skill…to determine who is more worthy of the Pigtail Girl's love!"

"What sort of contest?"

"I just said it would be a contest of strength and skill."

"No, I mean how will we battle?"

"Oh. Clearly we are matched in martial arts, so we must decide another way!"

"I used to be on a softball team."

"Softball? I will not degrade myself to such a lowly sport! How about cricket?"

"What? What the heck is cricket?"

"Tis a game of true sportsmanship! If you do not even know the game, then it would be unfair to challenge you."

"Um…okay. Then how about…golf!"

"Ah, yet another good game! That is…if you have the _drive_!"

"Ugh! I hate golf puns!" Ranma grunted to herself as she walked away. Luckily for her both Kuno and Mousse didn't even notice that who they were fighting for was just casually strolling away.

_BACK AT THE TENDO DOJO_

Akane was boiling a kettle of water, just knowing that Ranma would need it soon. "I don't know why I even bother to help that guy."

"I hope he gets back before his lunch gets cold." Kasumi said. Genma, Soun and Nabiki were all sitting around the table eating while Kasumi had gone to the kitchen to check on Akane. "Do you think we should set a place for Mousse too?"

"How should I know? Maybe Ranma will stay out for a few hours, and then I can finally have some peace!" Akane groaned. "If Ranma doesn't want to deal with me, then I don't want to deal with him!"

"Akane…the pot…" Kasumi pointed towards the stove where the water was foaming and boiling over the side.

"Ahh!" Akane turned the stove off but it was still spilling over, so she moved the pot off the burner, spilling a little. "Ouch! That's hot!"

"Geez, I though you would at least be able to boil water!" Ranma walked into the kitchen.

Akane glared at her. Kasumi took two steps towards him, "Oh Ranma, you're back. Is Mousse here too?" she asked.

"Well we ran into Kuno and they're out there arguing about who my boyfriend is." Ranma muttered indignantly. "I don't get it! Mousse knows I turn into a girl!"

"I always knew that Mousse was a strange one…if you know what I mean." Nabiki commented to no on in particular.

"You should go see Cologne." Kasumi suggested. "I'm sure she'll know what to do."

"Not sure about that." Ranma, as always, was reluctant to visit the old bat. "How do we know this isn't all part of another one of her schemes to get me with Shampoo?"

"By making Mousse fall in love with you?" Kasumi asked.

"It could happen." Ranma insisted.

Akane snorted. She had been busing herself with the water that didn't really need tending. "Hey, Akane, if you want to say something then say it. You've been really quiet."

"Its cause I'm mad at you! Idiot!"

"Me? What did I do?"

"You don't even know!" Akane took the kettle off the burner (with oven mitts) and walked towards the sink. "Fine! You can stay a girl! Your water is going down the drain!"

"You dummy! I can just get hot water from the faucet. Why did you bother to boil it?" Ranma made a face at Akane.

"Oh the hot water heater's broken." Kasumi said.

Ranma froze.

Akane shook with anger. "Do you really think I'm THAT stupid?"

"Of-of course not Akane." Ranma stammered, suddenly changing her tune. "I uh, really do appreciate you boiling the water." Akane continued to glare at Ranma. He needed to think fast before he lost the water. "Have you lost weight?"

Akane raised an eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be an apology?"

"Come on! I really need that hot water!"

She sighed; this is probably the best she would get. "Fine. Here you go."

"Great! Then-AAAAHHH" Ranma didn't finish because at that moment Kuno had smashed through the kitchen ceiling, leaving debris scattered around. "Saotome! I know you are harboring the Pigtailed Girl! I demand you release her or face the wrath of Takewaki Kuno!" He cried through the house, not noticing Ranma, Akane or Kasumi.

"Oh my." Kasumi said. "Father will have to fix the roof again."

"What makes you automatically think I have her?" Ranma yelled.

"Pigtailed Girl! I am here to rescue you!" Kuno hugged her tightly. "Nothing will ever come between us again!" It was then that Mousse made a second hole in the ceiling.

He staggered around and faced Kasumi. "If you think you can get away with breaking my glasses then you've got another thing coming!"

"Mousse, I'm sure I did nothing of the sort."

"Don't play innocent! You were trying to steal my Red Haired Beauty away from me! But you never will!" He flung himself at Akane. "Our love is too pure!"

"Ahh! Not me you idiot!" Akane screamed. The kettle flew into the air, pouring hot water all over everyone.

"That's better." Ranma said. But Kuno hadn't even looked at him. "Infidel! How dare you try to steal away Akane Tendo as well as the innocent Pigtailed Girl!"

"Uh, hello!"

Kuno looked down at Ranma and pushed him away. "Ranma Saotome! What have you done with the Pigtailed Girl?"

"She left; you better go and find her." Ranma said, exasperated.

"You mean she fled when you came in the room! What have you done to her?"

"Oh come on! Can't you just get out of here?"

"Wait you're not my Red Haired Beauty!" Mousse suddenly exclaimed, noticing he was hugging Akane.

"Gee, ya think?" She pushed him towards Ranma. "He's right here!"

"Akane! Don't!" Ranma shouted.

"Where?" Mousse asked urgently.

Akane pushed Mousse's cracked glasses in down in front of his eyes. "Right here in front of you!"

"All I see is Ranma."

"Uh…yeah."

"I am looking for my Red Haired Beauty. I don't have time to bother with Ranma right now."

They were silent for a moment. "You don't remember I change into a girl?" Ranma asked.

"Of course I do! Do you think I'm stupid! Just like I change into a duck."

"So you were looking for me then."

"No, the Red Haired Beauty."

"That I change into."

"Yes."

"So I'm right here."

"Pardon?"

"You were looking for me!" Ranma said angrily.

"No. The Red Haired Beauty."

"But I am her!"

"Do you have a point? You are wasting my time when I could be searching for my Red Haired Beauty."

"BUT I'M RIGHT HERE!"

"I wasn't looking for you!" Mousse said, exasperated. "Why can't you understand me?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHOS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!"

"Ranma. Breath." Akane patted him on the back, even though she was nearly as frustrated as he was. Ranma calmed only slightly. "He's gone off the deep end!"

"This is a waste of time." Kuno steeped in. "Ranma, I demand that you tell me where you are keeping the Pigtailed Girl!"

"You have hidden my Red Haired Beauty?" Mousse yelled. "You fiend! I never thought you would sink so low! Keeping young women against their will!"

"Oh come on!" Ranma groaned.

Kuno gasped. "Yes. Though she may be innocent the Pigtailed Girl is far too clever to be fooled by one such as Saotome."

"What!"

"Will you two be staying for lunch?" Kasumi asked.

"I'm afraid not Ms. Tendo." Kuno said. "I am off to find the Pigtailed Girl before this scoundrel can do her anymore harm!"

"As am I! Ranma shall never lay a finger on her!" Mousse exclaimed.

"Then it would seam we have a common goal." Kuno said. "I propose a temporary alliance to defend the Pigtailed Girl!"

"Yes, but only till she is back with us." Mousse said threateningly. "Then we a rivals once again."

"Agreed. Now we must find her!"

Kuno and Mousse ran off down the hallway where there were the sounds of things breaking and wood cracking as they broke through the front door.

"Get back here!" Akane yelled after them, but they were gone.

"Are you crazy! Let them go!" Ranma insisted.

"Ranma, they're out there looking for you. And something is wrong with Mousse, we can't just let him wonder around!"

"Why not? I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I can't believe you're not going to do anything about this! You're so selfish!" Akane ran down the hallway after Mousse and Kuno. "I'll find him myself."

"Akane wait!" Ranma sighed. "Oh all right! I'm coming! Happy now?" He yelled as he ran after her.

"Be careful you two! Try to be home in time for dinner!" Kasumi called after them.

_MEANWHILE, IN THE STREETS OF NERMIA_

"You can't hide from me my love!" Ryoga chanted and crept around the convenience store Shampoo had run into.

Shampoo snuck around the isles trying to keep out of Ryoga's sight. She had been running from him for nearly three hours but couldn't afford to take a break. Not since that crazy pixie had turned on her.

"Shampoo, don't make this harder than it is." Puck said from behind her.

"EEAAAHHH!" She smacked Puck away. "Stay away from me!"

"I found you sweetie!" Ryoga rounded the bend at top speed and caught Shampoo in a hug. "Don't touch me pervert!" She screamed and punched Ryoga to the ground.

"Now sweetie, don't tease me so much." Ryoga sat up. "Don't think I won't remember when we're married!" He said happily.

"NO!" Shampoo started taking some medication boxes off the shelf and throwing them at Ryoga, but he was standing up anyway. "No need to worry, I'm not sick!"

Shampoo kept throwing stuff at him, including a cereal display with samples. Milk flew all over the place.

"Miss! What are you doing!" An employee ran up.

"Protecting myself!" She hadn't stopped and was now throwing eggs at Ryoga.

"Miss, please stop!"

"You can't tell my wife what to do!" Ryoga yelled. He was a real mess, covered in food and cough syrup.

"I'm going to have to ask you both to leave!" The store employee yelled.

"Are you hitting on her?" Ryoga yelled and grabbed the clerk's shirt by the collar.

"What? What the hell makes you think that? I want you and your wife out of here!"

"We not married!" Shampoo screamed and picked up a whole isle and swung it around.

"AAAYYY!" The clerk screamed like a little girl.

Shampoo smacked in down on Ryoga and the clerk. "That get him!"

"Shampoo you must consent to your Great Grandmother's will!" Puck flew at her again.

"You know nothing!" Shampoo insisted and ran from the store with Puck in hot pursuit. "She only wants what's best for you!" He insisted.

"I tell you! That not the right guy!"

"Did you miss me sweetie?" Ryoga jumped in front of her from out of nowhere.

"AAHHH!" Shampoo shouted in frustration. She didn't stop but ran right over Ryoga trampling him to the ground, his face in the asphalt.

"She's shy." Ryoga giggled to Puck.

"Uh, yeah." Puck said as they ran after her once again. "Shampoo! You are being unreasonable!"

'UNREASONABLE?" She picked up a street cart and threw it at them. (Much to its owner's dismay.)

"AH!" Puck yelled. "She's so silly." Ryoga cooed right when it hit them.

"Great! Now I going home!" She turned so quickly and eagerly that she didn't see the lamppost (with a sign on it that said 'watch out for lamppost') and smacked right into it. Hard.

"Oooaaahhhh." She grumbled as she fell back unconscious.

Ryoga pushed the cart off himself and stood up, though Puck was still pretty messed up. "Sweetie! Where have you gone?" He gasped when he saw her.

"My love! What happened to you?" He ran to her side and took her hand in his. Puck flew over in a zig zag pattern, trying to clear his vision. "Wha… What happened to her?"

"She has fallen suddenly ill!" Ryoga cried, tears steaming down his face.

"Oh, that's too bad." Puck said sympathetically. Then he smiled. "But good for us!" He took his flower and blew some pollen in her face.

* * *

AngelicDemnX: You know…what WAS Akane so angry about?

Shakespeare: Why am I even here?

PrincessRose: Um…it was convenient for the story?

AngelicDemnX: Works for me. Just as long as people don't think that we're Akane bashers or anything.

Shakespeare: I hate you both.

PrincessRose: Yeah, this is just supposed to be funny…so please don't take it seriously.

AngelicDemnX: Not even in the slightest.

Shakespeare: You're just putting me in here to fill up space, aren't you?

AngelicDemnX: Well, that's all I have to say. To the next chapter, then?

Shakespeare: You're not even writing my lines right! People in Olde English times didn't talk like this!

PrincessRose: Right-o! See ya next time!


	3. Misplaced Emotions

Merry Christmas everyone! I have an announcement to make! As of now I will be updating my story twice a week instead of just once! WhOOt! Can you blame me for trying to spread a little Christmas mayhem? I mean...cheer. Be sure to check back next Wednesday and the Saturday after for new chapters!

**MISPLACED EMOTIONS**

Cologne smacked her face, she should have known better than to send Puck out on his own.

"Awww, look how cute they are." Puck sighed.

Ryoga and Shampoo were in the Cat Café, bent over a strawberry milkshake they were sharing with two bright pink straws. They gazed longingly into each other's eyes.

"You're so cute." Shampoo sighed happily, playing with her hair.

"No, you're so cute." Ryoga sighed back.

Shampoo giggled. "No! You're so cute!"

"No!" Ryoga waved his finger defiantly. "You are so cute!"

"Nooooo! You are sooooo cute!"

"No! You," Ryoga paused, grinning. "Are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!"

"No! You are sooooooooooo-"

"STOP IT!" Cologne screeched. "Good God, I can't think straight with that racket! This is a disaster!"

"Great Grandmother! What's wrong?" Shampoo asked, concerned.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Puck asked.

"What's wrong! You got the wrong guy that's what's wrong!"

"That's impossible." Puck said logically. "You told me to make Shampoo fall in love with a short haired boy."

"I did not! Besides how is that a distinguishing feature? There must be millions of short haired boys in this city!" Cologne fumed.

"I didn't just go by that!" Puck said, insulted. "He was a martial artist too!"

"That doesn't matter! The point is that he's not Ranma!"

"Well excuse me for confusing two shorthaired martial artists! You should be more specific!"

"Maybe you should be more dehydrated." Cologne said threateningly.

"AH! Re- really! There's no need for that!" Puck stammered.

"Great Grandmother, it sounds like you don't even want me to get married!" Shampoo cried.

"Not to him I don't!"

"I know it must be difficult for you." Ryoga knelled down to Cologne's level. "Your little girl is growing up."

"That's not the problem." Cologne said, exasperated.

"But I promise you!" Tears were falling from Ryoga's face. "I will take care of Shampoo when you are gone!"

"Oh, Ryoga." Shampoo sighed.

Cologne hit Ryoga on the head with her cane. "Right now I'm thinking I will outlive you."

"No!" Shampoo threw her arms around Ryoga. "I love him!"

"No you don't! It's just the effect of the pollen! You're in love with Ranma and that's who you're going to marry!"

Shampoo burst into tears. "How could you be so cruel?"

"You will never tear us apart!" Ryoga exclaimed.

"Shampoo's marrying Ranma and that's that!" Cologne insisted.

"How could you force a marriage against their will!" Puck yelled suddenly.

Cologne hit him. "This is all your fault anyway!"

"We don't care what you think! If you will not bless our marriage, then we must elope!" Ryoga yelled. He scooped Shampoo into his arms and ran out of the Café. "Tee hee! My hero!" Shampoo said.

"Stop that! You're not in your right minds! Puck! Fix this!" Cologne was sincerely panicked now.

"What should I do?" Puck asked.

"Make Ryoga fall in love with someone else!"

"But who?"

"I DON'T CARE! JUST GET SHAMPOO BACK WITH RANMA!" Cologne followed after them up the street. "I CANNOT ALLOW THIS!" She cried after them.

"You can't stop us!" Ryoga called as he jumped into the air hoping from roof to roof.

Suddenly a rock flew at them. Ryoga instinctively moved his head to dodge it, but it hit Shampoo square in the face and knocked her out for the second time in an hour. "AH! My love!" Ryoga cried.

Puck flew at Ryoga like a bolt of lightning. Using his unusual strength he snatched Shampoo out of Ryoga's hands. "Sorry. But I've got to do what Cologne says." The fairy said.

"Return my love you midget!" Ryoga went for Puck about to punch him, but Puck was too quick. He whipped out the lily-like flower and blew the pollen in Ryoga's face.

Ryoga's eyes slipped out of focus and a dazed look came over his face. Puck looked around and saw a girl walking down the street carrying groceries.

He grabbed Ryoga by the cuff and tossed him at the girl shouting, "Enjoy!"

Ukyo looked up. "AH!" She moved just in time for Ryoga to plow into the sidewalk face first. "Ryoga! Sugar, are you okay?" Ukyo asked, slightly frazzled.

When Ryoga didn't respond Ukyo bent down and pulled his face out of the cement. "Geez, what happened to you?"

"I fell in love." Ryoga said in a strangely lighthearted tone for his current circumstance.

"Oh. Well that's interesting." Ukyo said in a very uninterested voice. He was obviously fighting Ranma over Akane again. If only Ranma would give up on Akane and marry her instead, then everyone would be happy. It was then that Ukyo noticed that Ryoga was hugging her about the middle. With his head resting on her chest.

She smacked him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Ryoga hugged her tighter. "Oh Ukyo, can you not see? I never realized how lovely you were."

Ukyo struggled to escape but Ryoga's grip was unbreakable. A mother walking down the street with her child gave them a disapproving look. "Ryoga, let me go!"

Ryoga lifted his head and looked her in the face. "I could never let you go! Marry me Ukyo!"

"WHAT?" Ukyo screeched. Ryoga puckered his lips and leaned into her face and Ukyo clapped her hands over his mouth. "Whoa! Hold on there! Just because Akane and Ranma are together doesn't mean we automatically are! "(Ryoga/Ukyo fans scurry away)

"Mmt mi moev umw!" Ryoga mumbled through her hands.

Ukyo pushed his head further away. "I said let me go!"

Ryoga reluctantly released her. Ukyo stood up and brushed herself off. "Now what has caused you to go insane?" She said angrily.

"Not holding the girl of my dreams in my arms!" Ryoga cried. He jumped up for another hug but Ukyo hit him away with her spatula. "Damn it Ryoga!"

He was back in a second with a smirk on his face. "I get it. Playing hard to get, huh? You tease!"

Ukyo's eye twitched. "You can't be serious?"

"I've never been more serious! You must marry me!"

"What happened to Akane you fool? I thought you loved her!"

"I'm not hearing a _no_!" Ryoga chanted.

"I'M NOT MARRYING YOU!" Ukyo fumed. "I'M IN LOVE WITH RAN-CHAN!"

Ryoga picked up Ukyo and jumped to the nearest rooftop. "There's no time to be silly right now honey! We need to find a nice chapel!"

"Put me down, idiot!" and Ukyo smacked him with her spatula, but to no avail.

"Dun da da duh! Dun da da duh!" Ryoga started singing the wedding march very loudly.

"EEEAAAHHHHH!" Ukyo screamed as Ryoga jumped away with her.

Puck watched them go with a satisfied smile on his face. "That takes care of that!"

The end...

Okay, I lied.

_IN THE PARK_

"Aaarrrrhhh! Where are they?" Ranma yelled in frustration. He and Akane had been wondering around the park looking for Mousse for almost an hour. Ranma knew he had seen Mousse and Kuno run in here, but then they were gone.

"If we hadn't stopped then they wouldn't have gotten away." Akane pointed out in an annoyed voice.

"I was not going near those two until I had some backup hot water!"

"Well you could at least carry it for a while!" She held out the pot, but Ranma had already jumped away over the trees. "Come back here! What kind of man are you?"

She ran after him.

Ranma had seen something moving over this way. He came down on the white sidewalk. "Alright! I fo-" Akane hit him with the pot. "What was that for?"

"You just left me without a word!"

"Akane Tendo!" Kuno embraced her. "Do not think I have forgotten you!" She hit him with pot too.

Mousse came out of the bushes. "Kuno! We are supposed to be looking for the Red Haired Beauty!"

"Of course. I was merely greeting my dear Akane Tendo." He gazed into her eyes. "Though I search for the Pigtailed Girl, my love for you is still burning brightly." Akane groaned.

"We've been looking all over for you two!" Ranma yelled. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I already said we have been searching for my Red Haired Beauty!" Mousse said.

"Listen you!" Ranma rounded on Mousse. "I don't know what's gotten into you. But you need to come with us to see Cologne."

"Not until I have found my Red Haired Beauty!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"I wasn't talking about you!"

"Yes you….never mind. The point is that you're not going to find her!" Ranma insisted.

"Then we shall never stop searching!" Kuno declared. "Agreed!" Mousse said. They ran down the path. "Come to me Pigtailed Girl!" "Where are you my Red Haired Beauty?"

"Ranma, don't let them get away!" Akane yelled.

"I'm going!" Ranma ran after the two lunatics.

Further ahead in a clearing in the middle of the park, a lovely young couple was sitting having a lovely picnic on an absolutely lovely day.

"You look lovely today." The young man complimented the young woman as he passed her the egg salad.

"Oh you are too kind!" The girl smiled.

The boy blushed. "I had wanted to wait, but this just seems like the perfect time."

"Yes?" The girl asked hopefully.

"I love you so much." The boy took her hands in his. "I want to spend the rest of our lives together! Amy, will you marry me?"

"Oh Ralph!" Her eyes were watering. "Of course I'll marry-"

"Oh my Red Haired Beauty!" Mousse jumped out and hugged Amy. Yes, she had red hair. "I've been searching for you for so long! But I still love you!"

"Amy! Who is this?" Ralph yelled.

"I don't know! I've never seen him before!" She tried to push Mousse away.

"Just like the other three times I asked you to marry me? I should have known it was too good to be true!" He stood up. "That's it! I give up on love!" He ran away crying.

"Ralph! No!" Amy called after him.

"How dare you try to steal the Pigtailed Girl from me!" Kuno jumped out and swiped his wooden sword at Mousse.

"What are you two doing?" Ranma had caught up with them.

"Hey! You're not the Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno looked accusingly at the very shaken girl.

"She's not?" Mousse adjusted his broken glasses. "Oops, my mistake." He released her.

"It's okay. It's not as bad as the second time he asked me to marry him." She sighed and stumbled away.

"Alas! Our search continues!" Kuno said.

"Would you stop looking for her! She's not coming!" Ranma yelled.

Mousse looked at Ranma with narrowed eyes. "Could it be...?"

"That you want the Pigtailed Girl to your self!" Kuno finished.

"We won't allow you to take her away!" Mousse jumped at Ranma and shot knives out of his sleeve, which Ranma dodged.

"Cut it out Mousse!" Ranma smacked him, trying to bring him to his right mind. "You know that I turn into the 'Red Haired Beauty!"

"Nonsense!" Mousse punched Ranma away causing him to sail through the air.

Ranma did a roll about move in the air preparing to land. "Ranma! Look out!" Akane yelled as she was running towards them.

That was when he noticed where he was heading. "SINCE WHEN WAS THERE A FOUNTAIN THERE?" Ranma made a futile attempt to stop himself from falling by swimming through the air, but that damn law of gravity was against him!

SPLASH

"Pigtailed Girl!" "Red Haired Beauty!" They glomped Ranma before she had time to react. "AAAAIIIIEEEE!"

"Hold on Ranma!" Akane was about to throw the kettle when a wooden staff swung out of nowhere and knocked away Kuno and Mousse like two weird golf balls.

Cologne landed on the fountain edge next to Ranma. Although very traumatized, Ranma couldn't help noticing that Cologne was carrying a knocked out Shampoo in one hand and a small person was flying next to Cologne's head.

"Do you have to go so fast?" Puck whined. "My wings are getting tired!"

Cologne snatched Puck out of the air and shoved him in Ranma's face. "That's Ranma!"

Puck blushed a deep red. "Oh my...I didn't know this was THAT kind of marriage! No wonder Shampoo didn't like this arrangement!"

"You're just confused." Cologne sighed.

"Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, fine." Ranma answered in an irritated voice; she didn't like not knowing what was going on. She climbed out of the fountain and Akane poured the hot water over her head, changing her back into a he.

Puck gasped loudly. "What a freak!"

"Who's the freak?" Ranma yelled, stomping Puck to the dirt.

Shampoo moaned groggily and lifted herself up; she had a really bad headache for some reason. Then everything came back to her. "Where is my beloved Ryoga?"

Ranma and Akane stared at her for a second, not sure they had heard correctly. "What did you say?" Akane asked.

"Ryoga! Where are you!" Shampoo called, ignoring them.

They were silent for another moment. "Hey Cologne, the same thing has happened to Shampoo as Mousse." Ranma said. Then he turned to her with an angry expression on his face. "WHAT'S GOIN' ON GHOUL?"

"Heh heh, you will know soon enough Son-in-law." Cologne said maliciously. Puck (amazingly) took the cue and whipped out his lily and quickly blew a puff of pollen in Ranma's face.

Ranma coughed loudly. "What tha-" and that was when he saw Shampoo.

"Oh my darling! " He went up to Shampoo and took her hands him his. Akane gaped.

"I never realized how perfect we are for each other! It would be a crime for us to not be together!" Now Akane looked livid, her eye twitching. However, Shampoo had a sorrowful look on her face.

"Oh Ranma, once I thought that way...but no more! My heart belongs to Ryoga!" She exclaimed.

"I love you a hundred, no! A thousand times more than HE ever could!"

"Please understand Shampoo, I will never love anyone but him."

"No, my love!" Ranma cried dramatically. "I will make you love me!" He picked up Shampoo and started to jump off with her. "Put Shampoo down you heathen!" She cried.

A park bench flew through the air and brought the two down in a heap. Akane was breathing heavily and looked like she could kill. Her attention snapped to Cologne, this was obviously her doing.

"What are you thinking Colonge? You can't just manipulate peoples' feelings!" She yelled.

"Sure you can! I do it all the time!" Puck answered for his master. "Now to finish the job!" He whipped out his flower again. Only to have Akane snatch it away. "Hey, that's mine!" He flew after Akane who was running away from the fairy.

"Tell me the cure and I'll give it back to you!" She shouted.

"NEVER!"

Akane was about to say something else when she inadvertently bumped into Kuno, who had just gotten back.

"Oh, Akane Tendo, a flower! You shouldn't have!"

"Kuno! Don't!" She tried to warn him but he had already smelled the flower. Akane ducked out of his line of vision but he wasn't looking at her anymore.

"What a fair maiden!" He gasped as he walked over to Cologne and knelled to her level like a knight. "Age is ripened you to perfection! My lovely turtle dove!"

"What are you-" Cologne stopped talking, considering for a second. "...Well, beggars can't be choosers." She concluded.

"Oh, my love!" Kuno sobbed.

"Uggh! Now that's just sick and twisted!" Akane said, disgusted. But then she noticed something. "Ranma and Shampoo are gone!"

* * *

PrincessRose: And this, my friends, is the introduction to be best couple in all of the anime universe! EVER! IN ALL TIME! 

AngelicDemnX: KunoXCologne!

Shakespeare: You guys are perverts.

PrincessRose: If you'd like to join the KunoXCologne fanlisting, then please go to BogusAnimeCouples. com!

AngelicDemnX: If that actually existed, I would SO go there.


	4. Chapel of Love

**Author's Notes, AGAIN!**

AngelicDemnX: You can tell just how much we love these things.

PricessRose: Why are you even still here, AngelicDemnX? You don't even help me write the fanfic!

AngelicDemnX: A-HEM…uh…(scuttles away)

PrincessRose: Hey!

**CHAPEL OF LOVE**

"I'm not marrying you!" Ukyo yelled. She was trying her best to escape but Ryoga had a grip on her arm. They were inside a chapel where a balding old preacher was standing at the podium looking bewildered at the current circumstance.

"I don't think I'm allowed to marry someone against their will." He said.

Ryoga laughed. "She just has a case of cold feet!" He looked into her eyes. "There's no need to be shy Honey!"

"I'm not shy! I'm angry! You know I am engaged to Ranma!"

"Don't you love me?" Ryoga whimpered.

"Of course not!"

That was when Ranma broke through the roof with a struggling Shampoo still in his arms. "Shampoo not marry you!" The Amazon cried.

"Ahh! The roof!" The preacher yelled. "We just had it re-shingled!"

"Ryoga!" Shampoo shouted happily.

"Ran-chan! You're trying to marry her? How could you?" Ukyo yelled angrily at Ranma.

"I'm sorry Ucc-chan." Ranma sighed. "But Shampoo's the only one for me!" He hugged Shampoo closer.

Ukyo gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Her whole world was crashing down, she was REJECTED!

"Let me warm your cold heart!" Ryoga offered.

"Get away from me!" Ukyo cried and smacked Ryoga into the wall.

Shampoo looked really mad now. She hit Ranma with an uppercut punch, enabling herself to get free. Then she marched straight towards Ukyo. "Ukyo trying to steal Shampoo's true love! Ukyo will pay!"

Ukyo readied herself to fight. "You're the one who's stealing him from me!"

"My Ryoga was never yours!"

"What? Ryoga?" Ukyo asked, bewildered. "I don't want _him_!"

"Liar! Nothing can be more perfect than Ryoga!"

"Wasn't someone getting married today?" The preacher asked, annoyed.

"Fine!" Ukyo said. "If Shampoo doesn't want Ranma, then I'll take him!" She grabbed Ranma by the arm and dragged him to the podium.

"…Okay!" Shampoo answered happily, she peeled Ryoga off the wall and pulled him towards the podium as well.

"No Shampoo!" Ranma protested. He tried to reach for Shampoo but Ukyo was holding him back.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Ryoga sobbed as he tried to hug Ukyo but Shampoo was holding _him_ back.

"This is the happiest day of my life!" Shampoo wept.

"This can't be ethical." The preacher said. "I can't perform a marriage unless both people consent to it."

That was when Kuno ran in at top speed, knocking the four away like bowling pins. He was carrying Cologne in his arms. "Ha ha! We have finally arrived! One marriage, good sir!"

"Uh, are you sure?" He asked. This woman looked to be at _least_ eighty years older than him.

"Get on with it, I don't have forever." Cologne said.

"Hold on!" Akane ran in panting with Puck not far behind her, she was still holding the flower. "This is just stupid! I won't let you ruin you're life like this Cologne!"

"Easy for you to say. Do you know how hard it is for a woman my age to get a man?"

"Have you considered Internet dating?" Akane asked.

"What are you waiting for preacher?" Kuno asked. "I can not survive another minute of not being married to my turtle dove!"

"Um, okay." The preacher stammered. "We are gathered her today, to bare witness-"

"Don't! This is just _wrong_!"

"You know Akane, I have to agree with you." Puck said. "Now let me have my flower...so I can fix it!"

Akane glared at him. "This is all your fault in the first place!"

"If anyone has reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace… No one?" The preacher pleaded.

"Continue the ceremony you cur!" Kuno yelled.

"The-then I now pronounce…"

"Alright alright! Just fix it!" Akane panicked and handed to flower to Puck.

"Heh heh heh, FOOL!" Puck shot towards Shampoo. "Fall in love with Ranma now!" He blew some pollen towards her. "No!" Shampoo screamed

"I will protect you!" Ranma jumped in front of the blast.

"Ranma!" Akane yelled instinctively. Of course Ranma looked over to see who had yelled at him.

He was at Akane's side in a second. "You know, you're pretty cute!"

Akane blushed in spite of herself. "It's...it's not the real you! Stop it!"

"I know I have been cruel over the years...but I have always loved you deep deep deep deep deep deep deep.."

"I get it!" Akane growled.

"..Deep down!" Ranma finished.

"Well, that's all for today!" The preacher snapped his Bible shut and started to walk off.

"Hold on! You did not finish our marriage!" Kuno yelled.

"We were here first!" Shampoo yelled. She was still holding onto Ryoga who was trying to crawl towards Ukyo.

"What about us? We're not married yet either!" Ranma exclaimed, grabbing Akane's hand.

"In your dreams!" Akane said, still blushing.

"My shift is over. I'm going home." The preacher answered. "Besides, this is a law suit waiting to happen." He left.

"Well I'll still get Shampoo!" Puck exclaimed and turned back towards Shampoo, who grabbed his flower away. "Ah!"

"If Ryoga will not love me, then Shampoo will make him!" She yelled.

"Who's Ryoga?" Puck asked.

"Only the perfect man a woman could ask for!" Shampoo swooned.

"HA!" Puck grabbed the flower back "I distracted you!"

"We don't need such things. Right cutie?" Ranma asked Akane

"There's got to be a way to cure this." Akane mumbled. Then she got an idea. "Ranma, follow me!" She ran out the door. "To the ends of the earth, my love!" He sprinted after her.

"Ranma! Hold on!" Ukyo ran after him.

Ryoga broke free of Shampoo's grip. "Please don't chase another man!" Ryoga yelled and went after Ukyo with Shampoo not far behind. Cologne jumped after her great granddaughter. "My turtle dove!" Kuno shouted.

So Akane ran down the street. Ranma followed her, Ukyo followed Ranma, Ryoga followed Ukyo, Shampoo followed Ryoga, Cologne followed Shampoo, Kuno followed Cologne….

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Puck screamed. "Oh well, entertainment like this only happens every thousand years for me. Might as well watch!" He flew above the group.

Akane finally found what she was looking for, the river running through town. "Alright!" She jumped over the fence and landed in the water below. Everyone followed suit, three of them transforming.

"Oh Akane! If you wanted to go swimming you should have just said so!" Female Ranma cooed.

"Darn it! I was hoping that if you changed into a girl it would knock you back to your senses!" Akane yelled.

"Love doesn't have to make sense!" Ranma exclaimed.

Just then Mousse landed on top of Kuno's head so he wouldn't fall into the water. "My Red Haired Beauty!"

"Why are you standing on my head you ruffian?" Kuno yelled.

"Mousse? Where'd you come from?" Ranma yelled.

"Come away my love!" Mousse grabbed Ranma and jumped away with her, knocking Kuno down into the water.

"No! Akane!" Ranma yelled dramatically as she was carried away.

Ukyo watched them go with a puzzled look on her face, and then she turned slowly towards Akane. "Uh, what exactly is going on here?"

"Ask her!" Akane pointed accusingly at Cologne.

"Now there's no reason to get upset." Cologne said.

"NO REASON?" Akane shouted.

Cologne considered for a second. "Okay so there is a reason. But I assure you, everything is under control." Cologne didn't sound like she believed that herself.

"I rehydrated Puck in order to bring Shampoo together with Son-in-Law. However he turned out to be too much of a fool to accomplish this job." She said.

"Hey!" Puck yelled from above them. "Words hurt you know!"

"I still don't get it." Ukyo said.

"It's his flower!" Akane said. "When someone smells it, whoever they see first they fall in love with!"

The water around them started to bubble and Happosai burst out of the water wearing a scuba diving mask. "Good thing I was having my scuba lesson just now!" He said joyously. "Ha! I heard it all! This flower's just what I've been looking for!"

"Happy? No, it's dangerous!" Cologne warned.

"All the pretty little ladies will love me!" Happosai jumped at Puck.

"EEAAHH! A MONSTER!" Puck flew away from Happosai, terrified.

"Who are you calling a monster?" Happosai asked, offended. "You may be a beautiful young fairy, but I will take that flower from you nonetheless!"

"I'm a boy fairy!"

"Really?" Akane asked, astounded. They all climbed out of the river to the street.

"Wow, I didn't even notice." Ukyo commented.

Puck scowled. "Just for that, I'll leave you all like this!" He started to fly away.

"No! Come back!" Akane yelled. Ranma and the others would never be cured if he left.

Puck did come back, in tears. "Boo hoo! Tell me I'm a manly fairy!" He wept.

"Yes yes, very manly!" Ukyo stammered.

"The most handsome fairy!" Cologne said.

"I don't need compliments from _you_!" Puck yelled at Cologne.

Cologne glared at the fairy. "Have you forgotten our deal so soon?" She said threateningly.

"Oh yeah. Huh? Where's Shampoo?" Puck asked, looking around for her.

"She turned into a cat when she landed in the water." Cologne said as she looked around for her Great Granddaughter. But there was no cat either and she wasn't the only one missing.

"Ryoga and Kuno are gone too!" Akane said.

* * *

PrincessRose: I'm so lonely! 

Shakespeare: What am I, chopped liver?

PrincessRose: No, you dead. Or a figment of my imagination.

Shakespeare: True dat, foo.

AngelicDemnX: Ookay…things get weird when I'm not around.


	5. Moussey May I

**Author's notes!**

Shakespeare: Wait a second…I have a question from the first chapter.

AngelicDemnX: What?

Shakespeare: How did Puck know Cologne's name?

PrincessRose: ……He's magic?

AngelicDemnX: Good enough for me.

Shakespeare: But he seems so stupid.

PrincessRose: (changing the subject) Onward with the fanfic!

**MOUSSEY MAY I**

Kuno was floating down the river. He had been knocked unconscious by Mousse jumping off his head and nobody noticed. A pig and cat were floating along on his back, trying not to be swept away by the currant. Cat Shampoo was trying to glomp P-Chan who was fighting back with all his might.

Along the riverbank Kodachi was walking along and just happened to notice what was floating down the river. "Oh, my brother is floating down the river...with a defenseless cat and pig on him! I'll save you helpless creatures!"

She ran down and whipped out her ribbon thing to pull Kuno closer to the riverbank. She grabbed the animals off Kuno, who washed up on shore a little ways down.

"Here you go, little kitty! Be on your way!" Kodachi put Shampoo down and tried to shoo her away. Then she looked at Ryoga. "This pig looks awfully familiar...I should make ham sandwiches for my dear Ranma!"

"Bkwee!" Ryoga squealed in protest.

Shampoo hissed at Kodachi and started to attack her leg. "Ow! Stupid cat!"

_ELSEWHERE_

"Boo HOO HOO! I AM a manly fairy! I am!" Puck cried.

"I've never seen one manlier." Ukyo sighed, tired with Puck's whining.

"Really! I AM!"

"Yes, of course." Happosai said, annoyed at being ignored. "Ha!" He grabbed the flower. "Mine all mine!"

"Hey! That wasn't nice!" Akane yelled.

"Whoo hoo! Akane, come to me!" He jumped at Akane and blew the pollen in her face.

"EAAHH!" Akane smacked away the old pervert, but she had already breathed in the pollen.

"Don't look at him!" Cologne warned.

Akane covered her eyes with her hands. "I won't look at anyone!"

Happosai jumped at her again. "Open your eyes you silly girl! So we can be married!"

Soun and Genma showed up out of nowhere and held Happosai down. "RUN AKANE! RUN!" Her father shouted.

"What?" Akane asked. "How did you even know what was going on?"

"Fatherly sense, my dear. Now run!"

Akane stumbled away as quickly as she could; now she knew how Mousse felt.

"Damn you all!" Happosai yelled.

"Can I have my flower back?" Puck asked.

"Never! I'll use it to make all the ladies love me!"

"What, this?" Genma picked up the flower.

"NO!" Ukyo and Cologne tried to get the flower, but Genma had already sniffed it.

"EHH!" Ukyo jumped back out of Genma's line of vision, but his eyes were closed. "He…he's asleep?" she asked.

"That can't be." Cologne poked him on the forehead with her staff, and he sneezed pollen all over them. "AH-CHOO!"

"Ew, gross!" Puck said as he whipped the snot off his robes. "Good thing I've built up an immunity!" He turned to see Ukyo and Cologne staring at him with big eyes. "Oh! Snap!"

"Ah! I must be allergic to the flower." Genma turned and blew his nose. Then he saw the old lady watering her flowers. You know, the one that is always making the gang transform in the street.

"Such beauty!" He ran towards the old woman and, of course, got hit with cold water. Panda Genma kneeled and kissed her hand like a chivalrous knight.

"Oh, Mister Panda! How very forward of you!" The old woman blushed.

"Now ladies, lets not get carried away!" Puck said in a worried voice.

"Oh, Puck! You really ARE a manly fairy!" Ukyo giggled.

Puck gasped. "Y..you think so?" He asked hopefully.

"Oh yes!"

"Oh, Ukyo!" Puck's eyes were watering.

"Indeed!" Cologne stepped between Puck and Ukyo.

"Bleah!" Puck stuck his tongue out in disgust. He pulled out a pink perfume bottle and sprayed a little on Cologne.

"Ah! That's hot!" Cologne rubbed her face; steam was floating into the air from the bottle. Then she blinked. "Ah...so there is a cure!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about it." Puck said sincerely as he looked at the bottle.

Cologne sighed, exasperated. "Well go ahead and cure Ukyo."

Puck looked at Ukyo, she was smiling sweetly at him. "No...I don't think I will. Huh? Where's my flower?" Puck looked around.

"Ha ha ha!" Happosai jumped away with the flower in his hand.

"Soun! Why didn't you stop him?" Cologne yelled.

"Sorry, I was paying attention to you guys." He said.

_AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK_

"Isn't this fun? Ha ha ha!" Mousse said happily. He was riding a merry-go-round and holding a large stick of pink cotton candy. "Don't you think my dear?" He turned back to look at Ranma who was riding on the horse behind him. She didn't look very happy, even with the giant stuffed hippopotamus she was holding.

"I miss Akane!" She cried.

"When are we going to get to ride?" A child asked from the line waiting to get on the ride. They had been waiting a long time and were starting to look particularly mutinous.

"I don't expect you to understand child!" Mousse said happily. "One day you will understand the true happiness of being with the one you love."

"All we want to do is ride the stupid merry-go-round!"

"Forget this!" Another child said. "I'm going on the Annihilator!" He ran off with the other children behind him cheering as they followed.

The first child glared at Mousse. "I hope you're happy! I'm scared of the Annihilator! I'm going to be a laughing stock!" He stomped off.

"Such rude children." Mousse said.

Akane wondered along, she had expected someone to follow and help, but no one had. "Those jerks. Hello? Is anyone there?" Akane asked; her hands still over her eyes. She didn't dare to look.

She heard children cheering and felt them run past her. "Isn't anybody going to help me?" She yelled as they ran on.

"Akane!" Ranma called. Akane looked without thinking and saw Ranma running towards her.

"NO! I don't wanna be in love with--huh?" Ranma landed in Akane's arms so she was holding her like a groom carrying a bride over the threshold. "I'm not in love with him? It must not work with two girls!" Akane said, relieved.

"Tee hee!" Ranma giggled.

"Please don't do that." Akane said to Ranma in an annoyed voice.

"Akane!" Mousse yelled, he was standing a few yards away and looked very angry. "You would try to steal the Red Haired Beauty from me? I will fight you for my love!"

Akane just stared. "How...how could I fight such a handsome man?" She dropped Ranma and ran towards Mousse.

"Eh?"

"How could you!" Ranma yelled.

But Akane didn't reach Mousse. "There you are!" Happosai jumped off the top of the merry-go-round and landed on top of Mousse, knocking him to the ground. "Ranma, Akane, you will love me!" He waved the flower around happily.

"Akane! We need to get away!" Ranma grabbed Akane and ran in the other direction.

"Don't run my pretties! We will be so happy together!" He jumped after them, leaving Mousse in the dirt.

"NO! My Moussey!" Akane yelled in despair.

"Moussey? That's the worst nickname I've ever heard! Ranma Honey works just fine!" Ranma said as they ran along.

"I wasn't calling YOU Moussey!"

* * *

PrincessRose: Heh heh….Moussey….

Shakespeare: Oh, how could such a beautiful piece of literature such as mine be warped to such horrible proportions!

AngelicDemnX: Drama Queen….King….Olde English Man….

PrincessRose: It's not like your names aren't weird. _Desdemona_! And you stole names from Disney too!

AngelicDemnX: Yeah! Ariel and Sebastian!

Shakespeare: They took it from MY play!

AngelicDemnX: Suuuuree.


	6. Recipe for Misunderstanding

**A-U-T-H-O-R-'-S N-O-T-E-S!**

AngelicDemnX: And what does that spell?

Shakespeare: Let the poor old dead guy go?

PrincessRose: No, silly! Author's Notes!

AngelicDemnX: Too bad we don't have anything to say. Read on, minions!

**RECIPE FOR MISUNDERSTANDING**

Shampoo the cat was stuck in a bag in the Kuno Kitchen. She spat and hissed at her capturer, who was currently trying to flatten Ryoga.

"This rolling pin just isn't working." Kodachi sighed and tossed it away. P-Chan stumbled around on the counter, trying to recover from Kodachi's beating.

"I've never cooked pork before, perhaps I should boil it." She set a pot of water on the stove and turned it on.

"Bkwee!" Ryoga cursed and tried to run away, unfortunately he ran right at Kodachi instead.

"Oh piggy! You are honored to be Ranma dear's next meal! But we need to wait a few minutes for the water to boil." She picked him up by the bandana.

"Bwkee! Bwkee!"

"What's that? Little Timmy is stuck in a well?" Kodachi gasped. "I'll save you Little Timmy!" She dropped Ryoga and ran out of the room.

Ryoga just sat there for a minute. He wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but he'd take it! He jumped off the counter and ran towards the door. But Kodachi blocked the way.

"Wait a minute! No one needs to be saved from a well twice in one day!" She glared at the pig.

"Bkwee!" Ryoga protested as she picked him up and walked back to the counter.

"Now get in the pot deceitful pig!" She dropped him into the pot.

P-Chan transformed back into Ryoga. "I don't want to be cooked!" He yelled.

"Oh my." Kodachi blushed. "What did you do with the pig I was going to serve to my Ranma? I cannot allow you to sneak into my house...especially with no clothes on! I have a wonderful boyfriend who I would never ever think of cheating on...well, maybe just once!" She leaned in closer.

"EAAAAHHHH!" Ryoga screamed.

Shampoo growled loudly and scratched her way out of the bag. She ran over and jumped into the pot too. "No one touches my Ryoga!"

Just then Puck, Ukyo, Cologne, and Soun crashed into the kitchen. Debris flew all over the kitchen and a large piece of wood hit Kodachi in the face, causing her to pass out.

"Just cure Ukyo!" Cologne shouted at Puck who was holding a very happy looking Ukyo above his head.

"Never!" Puck yelled.

"Tee hee, my love!" Ukyo swooned.

"Ukyo! I've missed you!" Ryoga jumped out of the pot and ran towards her.

"No! You will not ruin my perfect romance!" Puck pulled out the pink perfume bottle and sprayed Ryoga in the face.

The steam cleared and Ryoga blinked. "What am I doing here... did I get lost again.… WITHOUT MY CLOTHES!"

"Take this boy!" Soun threw a towel at him "Cover you're shame! We have innocent girls' eyes here!" Ryoga quickly wrapped the towel around his waist; his whole face was red.

"Poo." Shampoo said, but she glomped him nonetheless.

Blood spurted out of Ryoga's nose and he slapped his hands over his face to stop the flow. If possible, he was blushing more now. "M-maay, mae be you sh-should, should put sa-some clothes on."

"Puck! Cure Shampoo right now!" Cologne yelled.

"Why should I? You almost ruined my life!" He shot back.

"And you've almost ruined all of ours! As if things weren't bad enough as it is. I'm going to have to put you back in your dehydrated pill!" Cologne said.

"Never!" Puck flew towards another wall and broke through it as he carried Ukyo away.

"Hey! Come back this instant!" Cologne followed after them.

Shampoo nuzzled against Ryoga. "Oh, I love you!"

"I...I really shouldn't!" Ryoga stammered.

Soun's head inflated to his trademark big head. "You wouldn't think of defiling an innocent girl, would you!"

"Of--of course not! We should go after them!" Ryoga broke away from Shampoo and ran towards the hole in the wall.

"Maybe you should get some clothes first." Soun suggested.

Ryoga stopped. "Good idea!"

"You handsome no matter what you wear!" Shampoo glomped him again and Ryoga's nose started to bleed again.

"You get some clothes too!" He said with his eyes averted.

Soun felt it his parental duty to make sure they _actually_ got clothes. "There are probably some rooms with dressers down the hall."

After getting Shampoo to let go of Ryoga (which we shall not describe in great detail) Soun led them to the bedrooms where they could pick out some clothes.

"And don't come out until you find something decent." Soun closed the door behind Ryoga.

Ryoga looked around at the room and nearly fell over. The walls were covered in pictures of female Ranma and Akane. He could understand Akane, but Ranma? Bleah!

He walked over the dresser and looked through it. Then he went to the closet. But it seemed like Kuno only had one type of outfit. So Ryoga sighed and put it on.

Ryoga looked at himself in the full-length mirror. The clothes didn't really suit him and they were a few sizes too big. "Man, these are really dorky."

"What's that you say! Infidel!" Kuno had just walked into the room. His clothes were still soaked from his trip down the river. "You dare to break into my house and insult my style of clothing! What do you know of fashion!"

"Um, hello? Bandana?" Ryoga said, pointing to his bandana. Hee hee, he had always wanted to say that.

Kuno swung his wooden sword. Ryoga dodged around it and ran out into the hallway and towards the kitchen. "Do not try to run you bandit!"

"Listen you! I didn't break into your house! Your sister brought me in!" Ryoga yelled. They had reached the kitchen.

"A likely story! Why would my sister-" Just then Kuno noticed Kodachi passed out on the floor. "You! How dare you defile my home and sister!" He took another swing at Ryoga.

"What? EW! No! Why is everyone accusing me of that?" Ryoga continued to dodge his attacks.

Just then Soun walked back into the kitchen carrying a bag of chips. "I found the pantry!" He said happily. Then he noticed what they were wearing. "What is this? Twin day?"

Ryoga glared at him.

"Leave my husband alone!" Shampoo had just arrived as well.

"Shampoo would you just-!" But then Ryoga noticed that she was wearing the black rose wedding dress that Kodachi often wore. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

"Is only thing Shampoo could find. Otherwise I have no clothes again." She ran over and hugged Ryoga.

Kuno's eye twitched in fury and his head suddenly looked like an erupting volcano.

"It's not what it looks like!" Ryoga yelled, trying to push Shampoo away.

"It's hard not to make assumptions, though." Soun said as he took a bite out of a chip.

"You're not helping!"

"To do such actions...in my own home...you lecher! It is unforgivable!" Kuno ran forward at full force and booted Ryoga through the ceiling, Shampoo still clutched to him.

"Our love is so pure! It almost feels like we are flying!" Shampoo said as they flew away. Kuno watched them through the hole in his wall where Puck, Ukyo and Cologne had broken in. Then he looked back at Soun, who was still munching on the chips.

"I should probably be going home now." Soun climbed through the hole and ran off.

_ELSEWHERE_

"Come back my lovelies!" Happosai bound after female Ranma and Akane who were still running through the forest.

"You'll never catch us you old pervert! True love will prevail!" Ranma yelled as she dragged Akane along.

"I only love my Moussey!" Akane said defiantly.

"Why must you be so cruel?" Ranma pouted.

_NOT FAR ABOVE_

Cologne was hopping from treetop to treetop chasing after Puck and Ukyo. "Give me the antidote!"

"You will never take Ukyo away from me!" Puck yelled as he flew away carrying Ukyo.

"My hero!" Ukyo swooned.

"I don't care about her anymore, I need that for Shampoo!" Cologne yelled.

"Oh." Puck stopped. Cologne was still his master after all. "Okay!" He reached into his pocket to get the pink bottle, but in doing so he inadvertently dropped Ukyo.

"AAHH! Puck!" Ukyo called as she fell.

"Ukyo!" Puck tried to fly after her but Cologne had grabbed him.

_BELOW_

Ranma and Akane were starting to pull ahead of Happosai. "Ha! You'll never catch us!" But just then Ukyo landed on top of them.

"Hey! What!" Akane struggled to get up.

"Thank you for breaking my fall." Ukyo said. They glared at her.

"I've got you know! HA HA HA!" Happosai blew some pollen at the three girls.

"NOO!" Ranma yelled before the pollen hit her.

_NOT FAR ABOVE (again)_

"Oh Ukyo!" Puck sobbed. "Well at least I still have the antidote." He held up the pink bottle and it slipped through his fingers. "Ah! The antidote!" He watched it fall.

Cologne smacked her hand over her face.

_BELOW_

Ranma picked herself off the ground. "Oh Happosai, you're so cool!"

"You're so fine!" Akane added.

"You're so hot!" Ukyo giggled.

"Come to me babies!" Happosai jumped at them.

Just then the antidote bottle landed at their feet and exploded. A cloud of steam cloaked the area.

"Where did you go?" Happosai said, still bounding towards where Ranma had been a second before. Ranma, now in boy form, stomped his foot down on Happosai's head. "No... My dreams broken before they began!"

"You…you." Ranma was shaking with fury. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Be kind to old defenseless men!" Happosai yelled.

"You're anything but defenseless!" Akane yelled.

"Oh well, I'll just use the flower again!" Happosai took out the flower again. Ranma snatched it away. "Hey! That's mine!"

"Actually it's mine! And I would like it back!" Puck said. Cologne jumped down, still clutching the fairy so he couldn't fly away.

"No! It's mine!" Happosai snapped at Puck.

"It's far too dangerous." Cologne warned.

Ranma glared at the flower. "This is what's causing all the trouble!" It was because of this thing that he had wanted to kiss Happosai! He threw the flower the ground and stomped his foot down on it. "That's that!"

Suddenly, without any warning, the flower exploded and a cloud of pollen poured out.

"Ha, ha! You fool!" Puck laughed. "Ukyo! Look at me!"

Ranma did the first thing that came to mind. He clamped his hands over Akane and Ukyo's mouths, held his breath and jumped up out of the cloud onto a tree limb.

"Are you guys okay?" He asked. Akane hit him on the head. "What was that for!"

"You just picked me up by the head! It hurt!" Akane said as she rubbed her neck.

"It did kind of hurt." Ukyo said, also rubbing her neck.

"Well sorry for saving you!" Ranma said angrily.

Akane looked down at the dissipating cloud of pollen. "Is it safe yet?"

"I never knew how age could enhance such beauty!" Happosai became visible.

Cologne blushed. "Oh ho ho ho, don't flatter me!"

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Puck said, disgusted.

"I won't go chasing after young girlies anymore!" Happosai said, holding Cologne's hands in his.

"Oh Happy!"

"Go for it!" Ranma yelled happily as he jumped out of the tree. "You can't get out of it now! We're eye witnesses!"

"I always thought they would make a cute couple!" Akane said as she slid out of the tree and Ukyo followed. Ranma did a little dance.

"You guys seem a little too excited about this." Ukyo said.

"You try having him rub your chest every day and see how you feel." Akane answered.

Meanwhile, Puck had flown over to what was left of the flower Ranma had crushed. He held up the wilted blossom. "Oh my pretty, how could you have been treated so badly? My whole life was that flower! Boo hoo!" He started sobbing.

Ranma couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Puck..."

"Oh well, I'll just grow another!" He pulled out a watering can and stared to water a spot on the ground.

Ranma fell over but quickly regained his composure and grabbed hold of Puck. "Not until you fix everyone!"

Puck shrugged. "Sorry, no can do."

"Why not?" Ukyo asked.

"The cure is all gone."

Ranma tightened his grip on Puck. "_All gone_?"

"GAh! Can't breath! Alright, alright! I'll tell you!" Puck gasped and Ranma loosened his grip again.

"The cure is the 'Spring of Renewed Love'. Yes, legend says that women who bathed in this hot spring would suddenly remember their true loves and would quickly return to them."

"What if you weren't in love with anyone in the first place?" Ranma asked.

"Are you saying something?" Akane growled.

"It works, so don't complain! Were is this hot spring?" Ukyo asked.

"It's a secret."

"Don't make me hurt you!" Ranma yelled.

"Okay, geez! In the mystic valleys of the pixies!"

They all glared at him. "And where is that?" Ranma asked, at his wits end.

"It's a secret."

"Are you _sure_!" Ranma tightened his grip on him and looked like he could have killed.

"AH! Okay, okay! It's on the outskirts of Tokyo!"

* * *

PrincessRose: Still not sure why Soun was there.

4KidsRepresentative: How dare he eat chips! He's teaching bad eating habits to kids!

AngelicDemnX: Ack! He found us!

Shakespeare: They have that (whispers) naked girl (stops whispering) and you're worried about a bag of chips?

4KidsRep: Don't question our methods!

PrincessRose: We're…too bored to care anymore. Next chapter please.


	7. Don't Go Picken’ No Fights

Author's—(is pushed aside by Ryoga)

Ryoga: Where on earth am I now?

PrincessRose: Gasp! Ryoga wandered into the author's notes!

Ryoga: Hey…what am I doing down there?

AngelicDemnX: Uh…erm…what do you mean? (cough)

Ryoga: I see it right there! "I'm not marrying you!" I better not be talking to Akane!

AngelicDemnX: QUIET! OUR WORD IS LAW!

Shakespeare: Run while you can, boy!

**DON'T GO PICKEN' NO FIGHTS**

"I'm not marrying you!" Ryoga yelled. He was inside a bridal shop, wearing a traditional Japanese wedding ceremony outfit, and he was tied to the clothes rack so he couldn't escape.

"Oh, but you look so good!" Shampoo complimented him. "What you think of this dress?" She held it up in front of herself to show him.

"You gotta help me!" Ryoga yelled at two other shoppers, who ran away.

Just then he saw Akane, Ranma, Ukyo, that fairy, and Happosai and Cologne (hand in hand) run by the shop window. "AKANE! Help me!" He shouted.

But about a second later he realizes what all this must look like. _Oh no...if she sees me like this...what will she think of me?_

_RYOGA'S VISION OF WHAT AKANE WOULD SAY  
_

"Oh Ryoga! How could you toy with her heart like that? I simply cannot respect you as a man! I am sorry...but we will never meet again." Akane ran away crying.

"NOOOOO!" Ryoga called.

_IN THE REAL WORLD_

Akane stopped running. "Hm? Did someone call my name?" She looked around.

Then Ranma noticed Ryoga and Shampoo inside the bridal shop. "Hey, there's Ryoga and Shampoo! He's pickin' out a tux!" Everyone looked inside. Ryoga's face suddenly resembled a statue.

"Who's he in love with again?" Ranma asked.

"Me, I think." Ukyo said.

"Uh...I can't remember!" Puck said franticly.

"Stupid pixie." Ranma scoffed.

"Well, we can't let them get married." Akane said.

"Why not? We'll get them both out of our hair!"

"What are you talking about? Ryoga's my friend! I can't let him marry Shampoo!" Akane yelled at Ranma.

"Fine! If you love him so much, then you can save him and get Pixie boy here to use the flower on both of you!" Ranma yelled back.

"I'm a fairy! And you destroyed my flower!" Puck said grudgingly.

"I thought you said you could grow another one." Ukyo said.

"Oh, that'll take a few days." He answered.

"Come to think of it...what time is it?" Akane asked, distracted from her squabble with Ranma.

"About 12:45, at night!" Happosai said happily. "We're at the 24 hour bridal shop!"

"Time passes by so quickly when you're in love!" Cologne giggled happily.

"Cologne, aren't you just the least bit concerned about Shampoo anymore?" Akane asked.

"Shampoo who? I don't need to wash my hair now."

"You know, your great granddaughter?" Akane yelled, exasperated.

"Oh, silly girl! I realize now the error of my ways. If she is truly in love with him, who am I to get in the way of their happiness?"

"It's the flower and you know it." Ukyo said angrily.

Ranma was still fuming. "Alright already! Let's just get Ryoga and get out of here!"

_SEVERAL MINUTES LATER_

"What you think of this one?" Shampoo asked Ryoga as she held up the fortieth dress.

"May I help you?" A store worker walked up, or should I say Ranma in girl form wearing a store worker uniform and a pair of glasses walked up.

"Help me!" Ryoga yelled, completely fooled.

"You seem familiar." Shampoo said and she took a closer look at Ranma. "But Shampoo too blinded by love to care!" She concluded.

Ranma let out her breath "Phew! I mean…It is my job to make sure you have the best wedding possible!"

"It must be the best!" Shampoo giggled.

"Here." Ranma pulled a big stack of dresses off the rack. "You must try on five hundred different wedding dresses; it's this store's tradition!" She handed them to her.

"Aiya! So many dresses!"

"But you must make sure the groom doesn't see them before the wedding day! It's bad luck!" Ranma continued.

"Is right!" Shampoo turned around and smacked Ryoga. "Don't look!" Then she pranced away to the dressing rooms. "Hee hee! Is so much fun being a bride!" When she had gone Ranma went up and began to untie Ryoga.

"Thank you for helping me, kind worker!" Ryoga said.

"It's me you dolt." Ranma took off her glasses.

"Ranma? What are you doing in a bridal shop?"

"Saving you! Now let's go!" Ranma had finished untying him.

"Right!" Ryoga took off running…away from the front door.

"You are completely hopeless!" Ranma grabbed Ryoga's arm and pulled him to the exit.

But Kuno happened to be walking down the street at that moment and he saw Ryoga and the Pigtailed Girl walking out of a bridal shop hand in hand.

"No! Not the Pigtailed Girl too! You lecher!" Kuno swung his sword at Ryoga.

"What the-! You can have her!" Ryoga threw Ranma at him.

"Thanks a lot!" Ranma yelled angrily back at him. Kuno caught her and hugged her. "Oh! I have found you Pigtailed Girl!" Ranma kicked him away.

He landed not too far from Akane and the others. "What? Kuno?" Akane said, surprised.

Kuno looked around and happened to notice Cologne. "Oh my...I...I had forgotten her wonderful face! Oh my beautiful turtle dove!" He jumped forward to hug her.

"Oh Happy! Protect me!" Cologne yelled like a damsel in distress.

"I will not allow you to touch her! Happo-Fire Burst!" A firework went off and Happosai and Kuno were now locked in combat.

Cologne looked at Akane and Ukyo, smirking. "Looks like I'm the center of attention now!"

"Do you think we want to be?" Akane asked.

Just then Mousse popped up. "Ah ha! My Red Haired Beauty!" He grabbed Ranma in a tight hug.

"Not you again!" Ranma punched him away.

"Akane!" Ryoga ran up to her.

"Ryoga?"

"It...It's all just a big misunderstanding!" He said franticly, blushing.

"What are you talking about?"

Ukyo watched all this. "Hey! You're cured! You're in love with-"

"No one! That is correct! Yeah, that weird pixie thing did it to me." Ryoga said quickly.

"Hey…" Ukyo looked around. "Where'd the pixie go?"

"I'M A FAIRY!" Puck yelled from the rooftop across the street. Ranma jumped after him. "Curses!" Puck flew away as quickly as possible.

"Dammit Puck! Get over here!" Ranma yelled as she chased after him.

"Nyahh nyahh! Never! You were mean to me! I'll leave you all cursed forever!"

"I'll catch you if it's the last thing I do, you gnat!"

Mousse jumped up after Ranma. "I do not know what is so important about catching this pixie...but I will help you if it makes you happy!" He waved his arm and a piece of flypaper flew out of his sleeve and hit Puck, trapping him.

"He could have done that in the beginning?" Akane said, aghast.

* * *

Shakespeare: This is NOTHING like my play. You can't even call it a parody!

PrincessRose: Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! (strikes a pose) REVIEW!


	8. The Hike From Hell

**Author's notes!**

PrincessRose: You know what? We're too lazy to write the author's notes. HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?

AngelicDemnX: I bet you all were expecting something hilarious and stupid. Well, this'll cook your peas!

Shakespeare: What? You two must be writing this at three in the morning after drinking old grape juice, right?

**THE HIKE FROM HELL**

"Let me out, you mortal fools!" Puck yelled. He was trapped inside a birdcage in the Tendo Dojo the next morning. Ranma, Akane, Ukyo and Ryoga were there, ready to head out and find the Spring of Renewed Love so they could fix everyone.

"You're not mortal? So it won't matter if I stomp you, shoot you, or run over you?" Ranma asked, annoyed.

"Uh...just because I'm immortal doesn't mean I can't feel pain!" Puck wheezed.

Kasumi walked down the hall still wearing her nightgown. "Ready to go so early? But you didn't get home until very late." She said.

"It's better to go as soon as possible." Akane said.

"Well I hope you at lest had a good day yesterday." Kasumi said, smiling.

"It was a little hectic."

_HALF AN HOUR LATER, IN A FOREST OUTSIDE NERMIA_

"Are you sure we're going the right way, Ryoga?" Ranma asked.

"Of course! I'm reading the map perfectly!" He answered.

"Why is he the one directing again?" Ukyo asked.

"He's the only one who can read the pixie's horrible handwriting." Akane said.

"I'M A FAIRY! And it's only Brush Script if you must know!" Puck shouted from the birdcage Ranma was carrying strapped to his back.

"I think you're holding it upside down." Ranma said to Ryoga.

"How can you tell?" Ukyo asked, looking at the map.

"I know exactly what I'm doing!" Ryoga yelled.

_SEVERAL HOURS LATER_

"ARRH! This is getting us nowhere! We've been by that rock fifty times!" Ranma yelled. He pulled the birdcage off his back. "Puck! You better tell us where this stupid place is!"

But the cage was empty.

"Oh no! He escaped!" Akane shouted.

"HA HA HA!" Puck flew out of the trees, holding a new flower. "With you guys walking around in circles, I had plenty of time to grow my flower!"

"What!" Akane gasped. "I thought you said that would take days!"

"I lied! Ukyo! You and I will be together forever!"

"Eek! Ran-Chan! Protect me!" Ukyo jumped behind Ranma.

"Heh heh heh! If you don't hand her over now, I'll make your lives a living hell!" Puck waved the flower around threateningly.

Ryoga leaned back to whisper to Ukyo. "Why don't you just pretend to like that pixie for a while, so he can show us where to find the cure?"

"I thought you knew where we were going!" She snapped.

"Well, I did until I lost the map."

"When did you lose the map?" Ranma yelled angrily.

"When I tripped about three hours ago. I've been using this recipe booklet." Ryoga held it up.

"ARE YOU EXTRA STUPID TODAY?" Ranma yelled.

"Why you-! You wanna fight!"

"This isn't the time for that!" Akane said as she pushed them apart.

"Oh, Ukyo..." Puck said, teary eyed. "You hate me because I'm a girly fairy...don't you? BOO HOO HOO! I'll never show you where the springs are!"

"No! Don't be ridiculous! You're...quite...handsome." Ukyo tried to force a smile.

Puck sniffed. "...Do you mean that?"

"Sure."

"Oh…oh Ukyo...no one has ever truly loved me before!" He said, blushing.

"I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves." Ukyo said, annoyed.

"A gift for you...my love." Puck held up the flower.

"I'm not that stupid." Ukyo said. Then the snatched the flower away from him. "Ha! Now you can't use it at all!"

"Oh Ukyo! How could you be so cruel?" Puck flew away into the forest. "BOO HOO HOOO!"

"Gah!" Ranma and the others watched him go. "Now we can't find the spring at all!" Ranma yelled.

"Yeah...what a shame." Ukyo stood there for a second then turned and blew some pollen towards Ranma.

"What do you think you're doing!" Akane stepped in front of Ranma and the pollen hit her instead. Akane clamped her hand over her mouth and nose but it was too late. _Oh no! Whoever I see next I'll fall in love with! _She thought.

Ryoga gasped. _Oh...it's...the chance of a lifetime! ...but I won't allow myself to do such a dishonorable thing! _While thinking this he began to step in front of Akane.

But Ranma punched him down. "You jerk!"

Akane gasped. "R...R...Ranma?"

"Eh?"

"You know how I've always felt about you!" She said hopefully.

"Gah! W...we...we need to find that cure!" Ranma grabbed Akane's wrist and ran after Puck.

Ukyo and Ryoga watched them go.

"He...he took off into the woods to be alone with her!" Ryoga said, flabbergasted.

"Don't be stupid! He would never like a tomboy like her!" Ukyo said angrily, not really believing it. "You know, I still have the flower." She said as she held it up.

"Oh! Well Ukyo...you're nice and all, but I could never feel that way about you." Ryoga said.

"I didn't mean that, idiot! I meant we could use it on Akane and Ranma!"

"OH! That's a good idea!"

_FURTHER AHEAD IN THE FOREST_

"Where are you, Pixie boy?" Ranma called, he was still pulling Akane along.

"I love it when you talk tough like that!" Akane giggled.

"I know, but this isn't the time for that!"

"Oh ho ho ho! Are you suffering yet?" Puck said from a tree.

"Bring Akane the cure, you jerk!" Ranma yelled.

"Never!" He began to fly away.

"Why you-!" Ranma let go of Akane and jumped after Puck.

"No! Ranma!" Akane called.

Puck flew up and over the trees and Ranma followed, jumping from tree to tree. When he got close he jumped at Puck, ready to catch him. But Ryoga and Ukyo both jumped out in front of Puck. "There you are!" They yelled.

"Alright! You got him!" Ranma said.

"We're not going after _him_!" Ryoga shouted.

"HUH?" Ranma landed on a treetop.

Ukyo held up the flower and blew several blasts at Ranma, which he dodged. "You...you traitors!" Ranma yelled.

"I only do this for our future together!" Ukyo said.

"What about Akane!"

"She will live happily ever after with Ryoga!" Ukyo pointed at Ryoga.

"Yeah! With me!" Ryoga said.

Ranma jumped at Ukyo and grabbed the flower away. "Hey! What!" Ukyo stuttered.

"Let's see how it makes you feel!" Ranma blew some pollen in her face and pushed her towards Ryoga.

"Gah!" Ryoga jumped back.

"Oh...Ryoga..." Ukyo said, all starry eyed. "I never realized how truly stunning a bandana and a lack of a sense of direction can be! Come into my arms!" She jumped towards him.

"Never!" Ryoga jumped away and Ukyo chased after him.

"NO! Ukyo...chasing after another man!" Puck sobbed.

"Would you give up on that?" Ranma yelled as he jumped down to the ground.

"Fine...but I will take my flower back from you!" Puck flew at Ranma but he jumped up and away.

"You'll never get it!" Ranma said.

"Curse you Ranma!"

Just then Ryoga ran by with Ukyo not far behind. "Give me that!" Ryoga grabbed the flower from Ranma and blew pollen in Ukyo's face and turned her towards Ranma.

"Oh my darling Ran-chan!" Ukyo hugged Ranma.

"Darn it!" Ranma glared at Ryoga as he ran away.

"Now she'll love you even more!" Ryoga laughed. Then he stopped suddenly because Akane was right ahead of him.

"Where...where is my Ranma? I cannot live without my Ranma!" She said sadly.

_IN RYOGA'S WORLD_

He was HEARTBROKEN!

"Oh Akane, to hear you say those words...I simply cannot go on living!" He sobbed. "Unless..." He looked at the flower in his hands. "I can use the flower! I can make Akane fall in love with me! Now is the time, now is the moment! I must be brave!"

_IN THE REAL WORLD_

And Ryoga freezes up like a statue.

"No! You're crushing the flower!" Puck shouted.

"I...I just don't have the guts to do it!" Ryoga cried in despair.

"You wuss!" Ranma kicked Ryoga away and grabbed the flower back.

"Ranma!" Akane ran forward.

"No! He's mine!" Ukyo ran forward.

Ranma jumped up towards Puck before either of them got him. "Give it up Puck! Just tell us where the hot spring is!" He yelled.

"I'll never tell!" Puck zipped forward and snatched the flower away from Ranma before he could stop him. "Ah-ha! Now it's back in my hands! BWAHAHAHAH!" Puck began to fly away very quickly, but he wasn't watching where he was going and he ran straight into a branch.

After a moment he fell back and landed in a hot spring. A sign that read 'Spring of Renewed Love' was hammered into the ground next to the hot spring.

Ranma jumped forward, still going after Puck and landed in the spring. Ukyo and Akane followed…and so did Ryoga for good measure.

Akane and Ukyo rubbed their eyes like they were coming out of a trance.

"Ah-ha! We found it! There's more than enough to cure everyone back in Nermia!" Ranma said happily.

"Yeah, too bad we don't have the special bottle to carry it in." Puck said.

Ranma stared at him disbelievingly. "What?"

"Yes, only one special kind of bottle can retain the heat necessary to make the antidote work."

"You gonna tell us where it is?" Ranma asked. His eye was twitching.

"Well, I've only ever had one. And you smashed it!" Puck said as though it was obvious.

Suddenly Ranma's head inflated to something not unlike Soun's trademark big head and Puck cowered beneath him.

"I think Ranma's been hanging around my dad too long." Akane said.

* * *

YOU'RE ALL DORKS AND WE HATE YOU

…

…

…

Nah, we love ya.

…

…

But not THAT way. Sorry. We know you're crushed.

Shakespear: There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you guys sense of humor.


	9. The Title That Would Be a Chapter…Title

WE'RE FALLING INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION! KYAAAAA!

AngelicDemnX: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!1shift12eleven

**THE TITLE THAT WOULD BE A CHAPTER…TITLE**

"Okay, so all we have to do is lure everyone out to the hot spring." Ranma said as if planning for a battle maneuver. They were back at the Tendo Dojo and Puck was back in his cage.

"Ryoga, you get Shampoo. I'll get Mousse. Akane and Ukyo can get the old ghoul and run for it, that'll make Kuno and Happosai follow." Ranma said, confirming the plan they had come up with.

"Ha! Your efforts are fruitless! I'll get another flower, just you wait!" Puck cackled.

"Hey Puck, I didn't think you were evil at the beginning of this story." Akane said.

"Huh...me either. Must be Ranma, he does this to people." Puck said.

"That's not-...yeah, that's true." Ukyo conceded.

"Hey! Can we just get going?" Ranma asked, irritated.

"Are you guys coming or not?" Ryoga asked as he grabbed the door knob.

"Ryoga..." Akane said.

"That's a closet stupid." Ranma said.

"Uh...of course it is!" Ryoga said defensively. "I was just going to...get...a broom! To beat Puck with!" He held up the broom threateningly.

"Eek!" Puck screamed.

"Idiot, you're wasting time. C'mon!" Ranma said as they walked out the front door.

_ELSEWHERE IN NERMIA, LATER_

"Oh, Moussey! Where are you?" Ranma in female form hopped through the park.

"Oh what divine music my ears doth hear! Tis a siren's song!" Mousse shouted happily as he bound towards Ranma.

"This is getting weird."

"My love!" Mousse jumped at her and Ranma threw a bucket of cold water at him, causing him to turn into a duck.

"Ah ha! That was easy!" Ranma said triumphantly. She jumped forward with a brown sack in hand, ready to capture Mousse. But Mousse just quacked insanely and flew in circles around her head.

"Cut that out!" Ranma swung a tennis racket and knocked him out of the air. "You're more trouble than you're worth! Maybe I should just grill you!" Ranma said as she bagged him.

"Quack quack!" Translated through our duck translating super computer: "The embers of love burn brightly!"

_ELSEWHERE IN NERMIA_

By now Ryoga was wondering the streets looking for Shampoo, completely lost. "I think there was a flaw in Ranma's plan."

_FLASHBACK_

"Where...where is my Ranma? I cannot live without my Ranma!" Akane said sadly.

_END FLASHBACK_

"Oh Akane, why must I torture myself so?" Ryoga sobbed. "I am cursed to a loveless life!"

"Ryoga! Where are you?" Shampoo happened to be walking down the street just then, still wearing a wedding dress and carrying a bouquet of red roses. Ryoga quickly hid behind some trashcans.

"I finally picked out a dress! Oh Ryoga...will I ever see you again?" She called sadly. "I will search the ends of the earth!" She declared and began to run off.

"Gasp! Maybe...there is hope for me! Maybe I truly can find love!" Ryoga realized. He climbed out from behind the trashcans. "Shampoo! Huh? Where'd she go?" Shampoo had already gone.

"Oh no! I'll never see her again! I really am doomed!" Ryoga sobbed.

"There you are!" Shampoo suddenly popped up and hugged Ryoga.

Ryoga pushed her back slightly so he could talk to her. "Shampoo, I am willing to give your love a chance. But we're not getting married now; I'm an old fashioned kind of guy."

"Then next weekend?" She asked hopefully.

"We'll see how things go."

"Oh Ryoga! We be so happy together!" Shampoo puckered up her lips, expecting a kiss.

Ryoga gasped. _This is your chance! Now is the time, now is the moment! I must be brave!_

He freezes.

Suddenly Ryoga is hit over the head with a quacking sack. "Moron, what are you doing? What about the plan?" Female Ranma asked, annoyed.

"Ranma! How will I ever get another chance like this?" Ryoga asked.

"Well, you got a point there. Shampoo would never really go for you." She said.

"That's not the point!"

"So you're giving up on Akane?"

"Gasp! I hadn't thought about that!" Ryoga realized.

"What? You thought you could have them both...plus there's Akari!" Ranma asked incredulously.

"You're right! I...I can never be with Shampoo!" He turned back to Shampoo. "Forgive me!"

Shampoo gasped.

"This is like a bad soap opera." Ranma said, rolling her eyes.

"Is your fault! Shampoo make you pay!" Shampoo pointed at Ranma.

"Why is everything my fault!"

Shampoo began to attack Ranma, chasing her down the street. "Maybe I can get her to the spring this way! Nayyh nayhh!" Ranma made a face at her.

Suddenly Ryoga kicked Ranma back. "Ow!" Ranma sputtered.

"I changed my mind! Anyone that can take on Ranma must be my true love!" Ryoga concluded.

"Yea!" Shampoo cheered. "Ryoga! Come away with me!"

"Forever, my dear!" Ryoga picked her up and began to run away.

"Tee hee!"

"You jerks!" Ranma yelled after them as they ran off.

_ELSEWHERE IN NERMIA_

Akane and Ukyo, who is carrying Puck in his cage, arrived at the bridal shop where they had last seen Cologne.

"They're STILL fighting!" Ukyo said. Kuno and Happosai were still battling, however they had dark circles under their eyes, and they were so tired that their attacks kept missing each other.

"My turtle dove! I will win back your love if it's the last thing I do!" Kuno wheezed and swung his wooden sword in what seemed like slow motion.

"No! Lil Cologne and I will be wed!" Happosai punched the air.

"Oh Happy, you're so gallant!" Cologne giggled.

Akane walked up and grabbed up Cologne. "Eek! Thieves!" Cologne cried.

"We'll save you!" Kuno and Happosai jumped after Akane, very slowly.

"This is going to be a long trip." Akane said as she walked back to Ukyo with Kuno and Happosai crawling behind her heels.

Suddenly Cologne slipped through Akane's grasp and jumped away. "Oh no you don't!" Akane tried to grab her again but missed.

"Oh...Akane Tendo, you are so beautiful when you're angry!" Kuno jumped forward and hugged Akane.

"Wha-?"

"I thought he was in love with Cologne!" Ukyo said.

"Hm, his true love must have shown through! You two must have been hot stuff before I came along!" Puck laughed.

"We were not!" Akane kicked Kuno away.

"Come away Lil Cologne!" Happosai and Cologne were bounding away together.

"Tee hee!"

"NO! Let her go you heathen!" Kuno raised his sword and ran after them.

"This is taking too long." Ukyo sighed. She pulled off her spatula and flattened Kuno with it.

"One down!" Akane said.

Just then Ranma jumped towards them and caught Happosai and Cologne in Mousse's sack.

"Oh my! It's dark...and we're alone..." Cologne swooned.

"Lil Cologne? When did you grow feathers?" Happosai asked.

"QUACK!"

"Ranma! You got them!" Akane shouted happily.

"Of course, did you ever doubt me?"

"Oh Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno jumped up and hugged Ranma.

"What? Did you cure him already?" Ranma asked as she kicked him away.

"What! You two too! Bleah!" Puck gagged.

"NO!" Akane yelled angrily at Puck.

Puck thought for a second. "Hm, perhaps he's just so used to loving so many women at one time."

"Pigtailed Girl, Akane Tendo, Turtle Dove, we will all be married!" Kuno declared. "Such a pure romance!"

Ranma and Akane punch him and Ukyo hits him with her spatula. Kuno falls to the ground unconscious.

"Great, now all we have to do is find Ryoga and Shampoo and we can get to the spring!" Akane said.

"Oh forget about them. Just let them live happily ever after." Ranma said, still annoyed with the two of them.

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's just worry about them later. We can take care of these guys first." She held up the brown sack and grabbed Kuno by the collar.

"Well…fine, Ryoga will probably still be wondering around when we get back anyway." Akane said.

_ELSEWHERE (Bet you never get tired of that, huh?)_

"Oh Ryoga! You take me all the way to France! Is language of love!" Shampoo giggled.

"No, it's just a French restaurant." Ryoga said. He was keeping his head low.

"Tee hee. You look so silly in that donkey mask I bought you!" Shampoo pulled his up so that everyone in the restaurant could see Ryoga's head covered in the ridiculous mask.

"People are starting to stare Shampoo."

* * *

PrincessRose: (gasp) Where are we?

Bill: I'm just a bill, yeah I'm only a bill…and I'm sittin' here on Capital Hillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll! (runs off)

Shakespeare: Holy crap! What was that?

…

…

WOWW


	10. Tying Up The Loose Ends

On the next episode of…**AUTHOR'S NOTES MIAMI!**

PrincessRose: (gasp) He's dead!

Shakespeare: The autopsy shows this was no accident…he was murdered!

PrincessRose: Oh how could this have happened?

AngelicDemnX: Duh! Someone always dies on CSI!

PrincessRose: Yeah, but since when do people die in Author's Notes?

Shakespeare: They all die a little inside…

**TYING UP THE LOOSE ENDS**

So now the whole group, excluding Shampoo and Ryoga, was heading up to the hot spring. Ranma, now in male form, was dragging Kuno along the ground. Akane was carrying the sack that held Mousse, Happosai and Cologne. And Ukyo was carrying Puck's birdcage.

"Okay, we're almost there." Ranma said. He recognized the area.

"You'll never win!" Puck shouted.

"Will you give it a rest?" Akane growled.

A moment later Kuno bumped his head against a rock as he was dragged across the ground, knocking him back into consciousness. "What is this? Where are you taking me Saotome? I was having a wonderful dream of carrying the Pigtailed Girl in my arms!"

"Good for you, now shut it." Ranma said.

"Hey you...uh, Kuno, right? I can make any girl you like fall in love with you! That is if you help me escape!" Puck said menacingly.

Kuno considered this for a moment. "Oh, I need no help in capturing the hearts of the ones I love. My charms and good looks are all I need."

"Maybe…but if you choose one over the others then the others' hearts would be broken. But if all of them love you without any jealously..." Puck continued.

"Hmm..."

"Even Kuno's not dumb enough to fall for that." Ranma said.

"I accept! And just for that remark I will destroy you Saotome!" Kuno swung his sword around towards Ranma but was quickly defeated by Ranma booting him off into the distance.

"What'd you do that for?" Akane yelled. "Now we have to go after him!"

"Well, why do we have to help him anyway?"

"Because he's even worse than before!"

"Well, let's just cure these three and then we'll go find the others. Then Kuno." Ranma said.

_AT THE SPRING_

"Alright! Now we can cure them." Akane held up the brown sack, but then they noticed that it was empty and there was a hole in the bag.

"Oh no! They got away!" Ukyo shouted.

"Quack!" Mousse flew at Ranma's head.

"Gah!" Ranma tried shoo him away.

"Ha ha ha! You will never get in the way of our love!" Happosai cackled as he and Cologne jumped away. Ranma jumped in front of them.

"Eek!" Cologne cried.

"Back you mongrel!" Happosai yelled.

"Would you two just shut up!" Ranma kicked the pair back and they landed in the spring.

Cologne surfaced sputtering and coughing. "What the-?"

Happosai groaned like he had a headache. Then they turned and looked at each other. "BLECH!"

"I am tainted!" Happosai cried. "Come to me Akane! Let me nuzzle your bosom!" He jumped towards her.

"You freak!" Akane slapped him away.

"Hm, maybe I should have thought more before curing them." Ranma said.

"How could you wish me such a cruel fate?" Happosai sobbed.

"Puck! You have disobeyed me!" Cologne glared at the fairy.

"Eep!"

"Well, let's get Mousse in there." Ranma grabbed the duck that was sitting on top of his head.

"I guess he can't tell you're not a girl right now." Ukyo said.

Ranma tossed the bird into the hot spring. "Gah! That water's hot!" Mousse sat up in the water, human once more. "I just had the most peculiar dream."

"You have doth slumbered here while these visions did appear." Puck said mystically.

"What are you blabbering about now?" Ranma asked.

"Sorry, standard."

"Well, we'd better go find Ryoga and Shampoo. I hope they haven't gotten themselves in trouble." Akane said.

But, conveniently, Ryoga and Shampoo showed up right then. "Where are we now? This doesn't look like the movies." Ryoga said as he looked around.

"Oh Ryoga, you brought Shampoo all the way to the spring on your own! I'm so proud of you!" Akane said happily.

"Yeah, perfect timing. Almost…" Ranma looked straight at the audience. "Too convenient."

"Akane...is...proud of me?" Ryoga said, blushing furiously. "Oh...how could I forget about her so easily? I don't deserve her!" He cried.

"What's going on here? And can I have some clothes?" Mousse asked, still sitting in the hot spring.

"Yeah, I brought something for you." Ranma pulled out a yellow bathrobe with a little duck picture sewn into it.

_BACK AT THE DOJO!_

"Where's my bathrobe?" Soun asked.

_BACK AT THE SPRING!_

"Ryoga and I will be married next week, is great, isn't it?" Shampoo said happily as she hugged Ryoga.

"Wha...what? You steal Shampoo away from me right under my nose! I won't allow it!" Mousse jumped out of the spring now wearing the bathrobe. He was trying to attack Ryoga, but went for Ranma instead.

"Ryoga's over there, idiot! Put on your glasses!" Ranma shoved him in the right direction.

"You will not mess up my perfect marriage!" Shampoo cried and she stood in front of Ryoga to block him. But Mousse flew right by her and hugged Ryoga instead.

"Oh, Shampoo...can't you remember the love we shared?" Mousse asked.

"I'm lonely, but I'm not THAT lonely!" Ryoga shouted.

Mousse pulled his glasses down over his eyes. "You're not Shampoo!" Mousse hit Ryoga away and he landed in the spring.

"No! Ryoga!" Shampoo jumped into the spring after him

Ryoga surfaced with Shampoo in his arms. "Are you okay Shampoo?"

Shampoo coughed slightly then looked up and glared at Ryoga. "What you do...holding Shampoo like that!" She smacked him.

"No!" Ryoga wept.

Shampoo looked around and noticed Ranma. "Oh, my Ranma!" She jumped out of the water and glomped him.

"Well, at least she's back to normal." Akane said grudgingly. Suddenly Kuno popped up behind her.

"Akane Tendo! Let us be as one!" He held up a flower…one of Puck's flowers!

"That's MY flower!" Puck yelled.

"What!" Ranma shouted.

"It's only good sense to make a backup." Puck said logically.

"Please accept my gift." Kuno held the flower closer to Akane.

"Get that away from me!" Akane hit him away and he landed near Cologne.

"My turtle dove!" Kuno hugged Cologne.

"Oh? Going after the young men Cologne? And you lecture me!" Happosai laughed.

"It's the flower and you know it!" Cologne growled.

"Let us never be parted!" Kuno cried.

"Spend some quality time in the spring." Ranma said as he kicked Kuno, with Cologne in his arms, into the spring.

"My, what has transpired over these past few hours?" Kuno asked, looking around.

"GASP! He is immune to the spring's powers!" Puck shouted.

"No, he always talks like that." Akane said.

Then Kuno looked down and noticed Cologne in his arms. "Gasp! Grandmother! I thought you had passed on many years ago!"

"I'm not your grandmother!" Cologne shouted.

"Well that's it. Everyone's cured." Ryoga sobbed, still sad from his loss.

"Uh oh." Ukyo said. Everyone looked around and saw that Puck's cage was empty.

"Ha ha ha! You will never escape my wrath!" Puck laughed. He was carrying the flower Kuno had had.

Pretty much everyone jumps at Puck. "GET HIM!"

"AAAHHHH!" Puck cried as he was tackled to the ground and had the flower taken from him and destroyed.

"Curse you all! That flower may be destroyed, but I'll just make another...and another...and another! Muah-hahahaha!" Puck cackled.

Cologne pulled out a glass jar and captured Puck in it. "Now to just dehydrate him into a pill again."

_SOME TIME LATER, AT THE TENDO DOJO_

"Well, I guess everything's back to normal." Akane said as she took a sip of tea. It had been a long day.

"Yeah." Ranma said. "But I can't help but think that we forgot something."

_WITH THE OLD LADY AND GENMA!_

"Tee hee! Mister Panda, you are so fuzzy!" The old lady giggled as she rubbed Panda Genma's belly.

Panda Genma was sitting on a lawn chair in the old lady's front yard and eating grapes. Then he held up a sign that read. 'Life is good.'

_AT THE CAT CAFÉ!_

"If we shadows have offended,

Think but this--and all is mended--

That you have but slumber'd here

While these visions did appear.

And this weak and idle theme,

No more yielding but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend;

If you pardon, we will mend.

And, as I'm an honest Puck,

If we have unearned luck

Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,

We will make amends ere long;

Else the Puck is a liar call:

So, good night unto you all.

Give me your hands, if we be friends,

And Robin shall restore amends."

"What are you talking about now?" Cologne asked suspiciously.

Puck sighed. "Never mind."

_END STORY_

Well, that's that. It's over. Go home now. Hey! I said go home! There's nothing else to see! What more do you want from me?

Unless you want to read the **_extended ending_**!

_EXTENDED ENDING_

"Fairy pill! Discount price! Only been used once!" Cologne called to her customers in the yard sale she had set up in front of the Cat Café.

Inuyasha smelled the air. "Feh. What do we need with a fairy pill for? What possible good could it be?"

"Inuyasha! At these prices how can we pass it up?" Kagome said as she dug through her purse.

IT'S REALLY OVER NOW (I bet you're glad)

* * *

PrincessRose: And for our next trick…AngelicDemnX will jump over a shark on WATER SKIS!

AngelicDemnX: Ay!

Shakespeare: Wow, it really is over now!

Hope you had fun reading!


End file.
